A Tale Of Another Time
by ClosetMisfit
Summary: Bernie and Serena found each other in their teens and have been together since then and have built a life together. But their life is far from simple together. Will they push through their hardships or will their lives crumble under the pressure? Features young Serena and Bernie and their brood but in another situation…
1. The Beginning of a Lifetime

"Bernie!" Serena whined. Although her wife was asleep, Serena was doing her best to pull her from her seemingly restless slumber. She hadn't gotten a wink of sleep because the blonde kept on tossing and turning, murmuring and shaking. It didn't help that her little bundle of energy was kicking up a storm inside her. Suddenly, Serena had a brainwave. She had tried this trick multiple times before and it had worked every time. Her plan was to go into the kitchen and begin cooking breakfast. The smell of bacon always roused her blonde-haired life partner from her sleep.

As Serena was cooking, she thought back to when she and Bernie decided to have children…

* * *

"Hey, Serena?" Bernie asked.

"Yes my dear," she replied lazily, looking up from her comfortable position in Bernie's lap. She and Bernie had been lying on the couch with Bernie's fingers in the slight curls of Serena's shoulder-length brown hair.

"Have you ever thought about this little family growing?"

"What? As in get a dog? Bernie you know that I would end up being the one to look after the thing what with you being away all the time – oomph!" Serena's ramble was halted by Bernie's hand quickly covering her mouth.

"No, Serena," Bernie placed her hand on Serena's abdomen. "I was thinking more along the lines of a two-legged, brown-haired baby."

"Bernie you don't even have to ask me if I want a child. You know that I love children and honestly I really want one! I have always wanted to know what it's like to have a life growing inside of me." She moved her own hand to meet Bernie's on her abdomen.

"I know it will be hard because of your job here in Stepney and mine in the army but I mean we both have some holidays owing to us and I can take time away from my job throughout your pregnancy and the first few months."

"Yeah. But there is a little problem."

"Uh-huh and what is that?"

"Well we're both women – "

"Hence why we're married."

"Bernie. I'm trying to be serious. How do we actually create the child?"

"Well, I have researched this. We go to the clinic on Carter Street and ask for a few profiles. And when we choose one, they insert the specimen inside you and we hope for the best."

Quickly getting up, Serena pulled her shoes and jacket on, then looked back at Bernie, "Well, shall we?"

* * *

Serena shook her head, and whispered "Almost 9 months later and look where we are." She laughed before groaning as yet another kick came from within. "Hey! Don't make me come in there!"

She and almost dropped the frypan when she felt a pair of hand wrap around her enlarged stomach. She relaxed into the hands when she realised that it was simply Bernie, having finally woken up.

"You were restless again last night," Serena said. "You should see a counsellor and talk about Kabul."

Bernie turned Serena around, barely listening, "Shhhh! Let me say good morning to my beautiful wife first," Bernie laid a quick kiss on Serena's lips which was eagerly returned. She pulled away before kneeling down. "And let me say goodbye to my little soccer stars in there."

Serena giggled, "How are you so sure that they are going to be soccer stars? They could be tap dancers."

"Not bloody likely. The sound drives me batshit crazy. They're definitely excited about using their feet. That I do know."

"I was thinking last night and even though we don't know what gender the twins will be I've come up with some names."

Bernie stood back up and leant her back against the kitchen bench. "And what would they be?"

"For a girl I'm thinking Charlotte. And for a boy I'm thinking Jason."

"Those are some nice names but what about maybe Cameron for a boy. I've always liked that name."

"Cameron and Charlotte… I love it!"

"Lovely. Now, you go and sit down and I'll finish breakfast." She turned around actively dismissing Serena before turning on the radio and continuing to cook. Serena stared at her wife, not quite believing her luck that she had met and married this amazing woman. Resting a hand on her stomach, she suddenly remembered the first day they met.

* * *

Sitting in the middle of the lecture room, Serena looked around her. Her first day of University looked as if it was going to be interesting. Her first lecture was Biology and her professor was a renowned scientist across England. She checked her watch and noticed that the lecture should have started 5 minutes previously. Being a massive control freak, Serena panicked slightly but told herself to calm down and in University not everything would start exactly on time. She rearranged her pens and lecture pad and waited patiently for the lecture to begin.

Suddenly, the professor turned around, "Welcome to Undergrad Biology…"

Serena sat in her seat, taking notes and letting the professor's words wash over her. Suddenly, a huge commotion occurred by the door. It caused the whole room, including the professor, to pause what they were doing and stare at the door. Suddenly, a tall blonde girl stumbled through huffing her apologies. Serena was transfixed. She'd never seen anyone; girl or guy look more perfect. Her long blonde hair, although messy, created a halo around her face. Oh! the face! Her face was something beyond what Serena had ever seen before.

Suddenly the fair-haired angel (or so it seemed) looked up at Serena. Their eyes met and Serena would swear that the girl, whose name she did not yet know stared deep into her soul. Her breath seemed to leave her chest and her heart skipped multiple beats. Before now Serena hadn't believed in love at first sight, but since seeing the perfection that was the enigma which stood before her she would believe almost anything.

Shaking herself from her reverie, Serena glanced at her watch. It was already half an hour into the lecture and this girl was only just wandering in. She watched as the fairheaded woman spoke to the professor briefly before meandering her way up the stairs and into a seat only two rows in front. Serena had to force herself to concentrate for the rest of the lecture.

Despite trying, Serena could not concentrate on anything the lecturer said since she could not stop staring at HER. Although she was scratching words into her notepad ferociously, Serena could not. She decided that she must meet her after class.

*After class

Serena watched as the blonde enigma packed up her things and hurried out the classroom. She began to gather up her own things and place them haphazardly into her bag. Her rib-length brown hair kept getting in the way and she thought, "I have to get this cut. And soon." Hurriedly, she ran out of the classroom after quickly checking whether she left anything behind. As she felt the fresh air hit her face, Serena's eyes darted around the courtyard, almost crossing before she saw the woman she was looking for. It appeared that she had tripped over herself and dropped most of the things she was carrying.

Quickly but steadily, Serena made her way over to a book nearby the blonde. She stepped towards the fair-head, her mind racing with all the things she could have said. What slipped out however was, "Hey, I believe this yook is bours? Oh, I meant – Well you probably know what I meant." She could have slapped herself.

"Um, yeah thanks," even with her hands full, the blonde tried to grab even more items.

Mentally taking a deep breath, Serena offered, "Do you need some help?"

"No. No. I'm fine… Well actually yeah if you wouldn't mind." Still she didn't look up.

Crouching down, Serena gathered what she could – there were pens, pencils, paper and books everywhere. After what seemed like an age, they had both collected all of the blonde's items. She hastily shoved all of the things into her bag before standing up and looking directly into Serena's eyes once again, "Um thank you for helping me. I'm Berenice Wolfe. But everyone – well, my mother, father and brothers exclusive… they often call me Midge or even Blondey. Sorry, I'm rambling. I meant to say that everyone calls me Bernie." She stuck out a hand.

"Well, Bernie it's nice to meet you. I'm Serena McKinnie. What are you studying?"

"I'm studying to become an Army Doctor. Medicine and the Military – two things that run in my family. And you?"

"I'm studying medicine. Hopefully I'll be able to show those men that us women have some sort of clue," She glanced at her watch before continuing. "Listen, I have a lecture in five minutes but do we want to continue this over a drink? A lovely drop of Shiraz?"

"That would be lovely. Yeah."

* * *

Pulled back out of her reverie Serena thought, "And the rest, as they say, is history." Suddenly, Serena buckled over as if being pulled by an imaginary force. Gripping the bench top with a grip that turned her knuckles a ghostly white, she gasped out a hurried, "BERNIE!" before groaning again.

Bernie hurried over to her heavily pregnant wife after seeing that she was almost doubled over in agony. She went into doctor mode, asking if she was okay, if she needed help, scale of 1-10 and how often the pains were coming. Of course, Serena answered all of the questions but by the time she did the pain had subsided.

These pains had lasted at least 4 hours before Serena's waters broke. They knew they had little time, so after checking that Serena was okay, Bernie packed a bag and drove them to the hospital. The pains then got worse, more regular and a hell of a lot more painful. It didn't take them long to find Serena a bed but it took longer for the labour to actually start before nurses and doctors alike could do anything.

Let's just say that just under 18 hours and excruciating pain for both women (Serena nearly broke Bernie's hand), two healthy babies were born. One boy and one girl – thusly named Cameron and Charlotte.

* * *

 **A/N: Well, I'm back! The ClosetMisfit has returned! I'm sorry guys for not posting more but I've been so busy I haven't had the chance to write any other stories. And to be honest I've been missing Berena too much but soon we'll have our lovely Serena back on our screens.**

 **In the meantime, however, enjoy this little ditty about my favourite ship.**

 **Love you guys! xx**

 **P.S. Please leave a review**


	2. Return From Kandahar

**3 years later**

* * *

Serena stared at the pages of her Jane Austen novel. Despite having the trials and tribulations of Elizabeth Bennett at her fingertips, she couldn't concentrate. It was an anniversary of such. She had been holding out hope for so long. She had hoped that she wouldn't have to spend another anniversary this way. Today was May 8th. Three years ago, her beautiful wife had been taken from her. Taken from her because her country needed her; the army needed her. Every year on this day Serena thought of Bernie because she still had no idea when she would be seeing her. She usually had her children to distract her but she had set them up quietly playing in their room. It had been an hour and she expected to hear some sort of commotion but so far, nothing.

"MUUUUUMM!" Serena rolled her eyes and put down her book as her children yet again demanded her attention. Before she could unfold her legs and rise from the lounge she heard the heavy, albeit quick, footsteps of her toddlers. They arrived at her feet almost as soon as they'd called her. Jumping up and down, they started to speak at once, both trying to talk louder than the other.

Serena laughed before saying, "One at a time please."

"Mummy, Lottie says I can't play with her cause I'm a boy!" Cameron whined.

"Mummy, Cam says I can't play with him cause I'm **not** a boy!" Charlotte retorted.

"Lottie is lying! I never said that!"

Serena had to intervene, "Cameron, Charlotte will one of you just tell me what happened please?" When both started to speak at once, Serena interrupted, "Cameron, what happened?"

"We were playing dolls in mine and Lottie's room and then – " Cameron was interrupted by his sister.

Charlotte continued, "And then he pulled out his car and tried to play dolls with his toy!"

"And then she said that I can't play cars with dolls! And I said why? And she said it was cause I'm a boy"

"And then he said I can't play dolls with cars. And I said why? And he said it was cause I was a girl!"

Serena had to fight away the giggles, "Charlotte, Cameron did you know that it doesn't matter that one of you is a girl and the other a boy? With your imagination you can play dolls and cars and play cars and dolls."  
They looked at each other, turned back to Serena and said, "Really mummy?"

"Yes. Do you want me to show you?"

But before she could, a knocking at the door captured all of their attention. Serena told the twins to stay put before padding quickly to the door. Quickly checking that she didn't look too bad, Serena pulled open the door, audibly gasping when she saw who was there.

* * *

Back when the twins had just been born, Serena and Bernie were on cloud nine. They didn't think anything could bring them down from their high. Their lives were simply perfect; they had each other and their children. Nothing could be better. Until Bernie's Commanding Officer had called. What had been a planned year away from work had turned into a short 3 months, with Bernie's active duty beginning effective immediately. Saying goodbye to Bernie had been one of the hardest things in Serena's life. What made it harder was the fact that the twins began crying just as Bernie had to leave. Torn between two options, Serena gave Bernie a quick, but passionate kiss and hard, albeit brief hug before rushing off to the twins.

Once she had tended to the twins, Serena rushed to the nearest window, catching a brief glimpse of Bernie's taxi pulling around the corner at the end of the street. Serena slumped against the wall, immediately bursting into tears. She had no idea when she would see her wife again. Despite not knowing, Serena decided she would hold out hope. She would hope that Bernie wouldn't be injured and that she would return safely.

* * *

Serena's gasp turned into tears quite quickly though and she had to use the doorway to hold herself up. She reached out a hand and brushed the cheek of the person at the door. Staring at the fatigue-clad woman standing there, Serena tried to take in everything she could. She moved that hand through her hair, round to her neck and down to her shoulders. Taking a deep breath, Serena said, "Is it really you?"

In the same husky voice that Serena remembered, Bernie replied with tears in her eyes, "Yes it is. I'm back Serena."

"It's been three years."

"You haven't changed."

"You haven't either. You still can't tidy your hair for peanuts."

"Ha. Ha. How are the kids?"

"How about you see for yourself," Serena turned back down the hallway and yelled, "Kids, there's someone at the door to see you!" She ushered Bernie into the house just before the twins arrived.

"Oh my god! You guys are so big," Neither Charlotte nor Cameron replied. They kept looking from Bernie to Serena and back again. They had seen photos of Bernie and they knew that she was their mother but they hadn't seen her since they were three months old. So it wasn't the reunion that Serena and Bernie had hoped for.

Finally, Cameron spoke up, "Mummy is that Mama?"

Choking back the tears, Serena whispered, "Yes, Cam it is."

Bernie chipped in, "I know you won't remember me. The last time I saw you both you were tiny. Here, I'll show you." She reached into her top pocket, pulling out a faded photo. "Do you two want to see what you used to look like?"

Cameron and Charlotte rushed over to see the photograph. "That doesn't look like us!" Cameron exclaimed upon seeing the barely visible swaddled, sleeping babies in the photo.

Bernie pointed to Cameron in the photo. "This one is you Cameron." She pointed to Charlotte in the photo, "So this is you, Charlotte. I pulled out this photo every night and every time I got scared so I could see you two. I'm your Mama, guys. I'm your Mama." She pulled the two children into a tight hug which was eagerly returned. She kissed each child on the side of the head and pulled them tighter into the hug.

Neither of the children could place it (since they were only three), but they trusted this blonde woman. They didn't know her apart from the stories that their Mum had told them, but they knew they were meant to be together. Something told them that the woman whose arms they were currently in was someone who would not harm them in any way.

* * *

Serena hadn't let Bernie out of her sight since the minute she walked into the door. Wherever Bernie went, Serena would follow (except the bathroom). Even when they were in bed that very evening, Serena clung onto Bernie as if she were the oxygen to fill her lungs. Throughout the day, Serena had already filled Bernie in about the kids, all their milestones, likes and dislikes and little memories that she thought Bernie ought to know. The conversation soon drifted to Bernie and her tour in Kandahar.

"But why wouldn't they let you come home? Why didn't they let you contact me? Contact us?" Serena asked, desperate for answers.

"Apparently it would have "compromised the mission" if we had contact with the outside world. They said they couldn't let anyone have any letters in or out because they didn't want the other side to know we were there," Bernie replied morosely.

"What was happening out there?"

"The boys on the front line were fighting so hard but we were losing men everyday with so many more injured," Bernie looked directly into Serena's eyes, her own filling with tears. "I lost my best friend out there, Serena. He died with my hands inside him. He came in with a gunshot wound and he was losing so much blood! He frickin died in my hands!" Bernie broke down completely. Her sobs rocked her body to the core, her once even breaths had become shuddering and panicked. Serena pulled her further into her arms, feeling her wife's body shuddering with each breath, until the sobs became gasps and the crying became a panic attack.

Using her seemingly redundant medical skills, Serena tried to help Bernie through the attack, but because she hadn't been practising medicine for three years – well since before the twins were born really. She found she could just barely recall the way to help a person through the panic attack. To try an ease Bernie's torment, Serena led her through some breathing and counting exercises until she had at last calmed down enough that her sobs had simply become weak whimpers. Eventually, Bernie's breathing had become deep and even, which in turn allowed Serena to break down as well. She had mastered the art of keeping her crying quiet given how often she seemed to break down while Bernie was away so it was quite easy for her to cry silently as Bernie slept in her arms. Soon though, Serena's eyes began to droop, so she carefully shuffled down and pulled Bernie tighter to herself.

Anyone could have looked into Bernie and Serena's bedroom window that night to see the exact same thing. The two women never let each other go, not even when they were stirring in the early hours of the morning. They settled in each others arms as if they belonged there; as if they'd never been parted. The three years that Bernie had been away from Serena seemed like nothing compared to the feeling of eternity within each woman's heart as they held each other as if made of the most fragile crystal.

* * *

 **A/N: Guys I really hope you loved reading this as much as I loved writing it. Honestly, I have no idea how children speak so I literally just tried to imagine it and remember what I was like as a child (given that I only have a dog).**

 **If you have any comments or feedback, please leave a review and let me know. I'll get the next chapter done as soon as I can.**

 **Your ClosetMisfit is going back to her keyboard to work on the next chapter.**

 **Love you guys xx**


	3. Simply Bliss

It had been 5 months since Bernie returned and it had been pure bliss. There had been no word from Bernie's CO and for that they were both eternally grateful. The children had become close to Bernie; so much so that often instead of calling for Serena if they had a bad dream or an accident, they would call for Bernie. Serena found she didn't mind that the children were growing closer to Bernie; in fact, she found she was grateful. After being at the twins' beck and call for three years she found relief in the fact that there was another parent to help.

And while Serena was at work, she didn't have to hire a sitter or send Cameron and Charlotte to her parents. Instead, Bernie would look after them, taking them to the park or playing board games with them. Or simply even play with their toys with them to pass they days. But Bernie revelled in this lifestyle. So much so, that she was beginning to consider leaving the army to work alongside Serena. She had even started to yearn for another child. But she wanted to be the one who carried the next child. She wanted to stay home and care for them. She needed another child. She needed to talk to her wife.

Bernie had organised a special day for herself and Serena. It was the plan to pamper her wife and then ask her if she wanted another child. She had spoken to Serena's parents and they had greed to take the children for the day. That meant it was free for Bernie to pamper Serena in the way she wished. She had planned to start the day with a bath and then take Serena to a Spa retreat and end the day at a fancy restaurant. It would be there that Bernie would ask the big question. The whole day had gone amazingly well. Serena had been confused but went with what Bernie had organised.

* * *

Both women had finished their meals and were looking at what dessert they each wanted when Bernie spoke up, "Serena, how do you think we're coping with the twins?"

Serena replied confusedly, "Well, I think that we're a team and we're working quite well, what with my shifts and the risk that you'll get called back to the military. They're a handful, but we know how to handle that. Why do you ask?"

"I've been thinking and I want to extend our family."

"Bernie, it's been 5 months and we've talked about this. We're not getting a dog. I have too many shifts and you could get called back into service so I'm not going to rely on my parents or a sitter to look after the thing."

"Serena, think back about four years when I asked you to extend our family. What happened after that?"

"We decided to have children."

"Exactly…" She took a deep breath before continuing. "Serena, I want to have another baby. I want to carry a life and I want you to be by my side through everything. I want you to be the one to hold my hand as a new life enters the world. I want to be able to argue about whose turn it is to change the nappy or do the three AM feeds. I need another baby, Serena. I want to give birth. What do you say?"

"Bernie, I had no idea you felt that way. Almost as soon as the twins were born, I wanted another baby. I've always wanted more children. I need more children, too. And I want you to experience the joy just as I did."

Bernie had tears in her eyes by this point, glad that the love of her life had felt the exact same way.

* * *

 **Phone call to Bernie's CO**

"General Hargreaves."  
"General, it's Major Berenice Wolfe from the Royal Army Medical Corps."

"Ahh, Major Wolfe. How's life treating you? Are you ready to return to duty?"

"No. I asked to leave 6 months ago to be with my family."

"What's your point, Major?"

"I need to leave indefinitely. I still want to serve my country but only if it's completely necessary to take me away from my family. I am trying to get pregnant with our third child and I need to be at home for the duration and any time after that."

"Well, I'll see what we can do. But there's no way we can ever let anyone of your experience go. You're the best surgeon we have and the RAMC can't afford to lose you. We'll let you decide what you want to do. If you want to start a career in Holby, then let us know. But if you want to return, we'll need you to let us know."

"Thank you General. I really appreciate that. But, I'm sure it will be a while before you hear from me again."

* * *

 **9 months later**

Bernie was almost 8 months pregnant and loving every minute. It was a relatively easy pregnancy but it had taken a while to find a suitable donor that both Bernie and Serena liked. Despite that, once Bernie was pregnant, she and Serena had gotten so much closer. Serena was there for Bernie, just as she had been for Serena. She had done the 2AM McDonalds trips, mixed together ice cream and pickles and was there for all the important milestones.

One day, Serena and Bernie were curled up together on the sofa watching Cameron and Charlotte playing together. It always amazed them that their first-born children got along so well. Bernie always remembered fighting with her siblings, so didn't understand why they were so close. Suddenly, Bernie felt a sharp twinge that felt like a contraction. She grasped Serena's forearm tightly and gasped sharply. Immediately, Serena was asking her if she was okay and wanting to know what was happening. But the pain was over almost as soon as it begun. The pains continued for the next few hours as morning turned to afternoon.

As the day approached 4 o' clock, Bernie's pains had gotten more frequent and painful. Neither she nor Serena had packed the hospital bag yet, given that they thought they had another month until the baby's birth. So, very carefully but quickly Bernie ascended the stair and pulled a duffel bag from the cupboard before pulling the essentials into it. As she was finishing, Serena entered the bedroom, and stopped abruptly as she saw the packed bag on their bed, "What's happening, darling?"

"I've been having pains since about 10.30 this morning, and they've been getting worse. So I'm going to assume that this is labour," Bernie replied, nonchalantly.

"You should have told me," she grabbed the duffel bag. "Come on, let's get you to the hospital. But we have to drop the kids off with Mum and Dad first. Can you hang on a little longer?"

"Yeah, I should be fine." At that time, another pain wracked Bernie's body and she groaned in agony. Suddenly, Bernie felt a gush of liquid, "Ummm, maybe not since my waters have just broken."

Serena sprung to action. She pulled Bernie by the hand, quickly and carefully dragging her down the stairs. She made sure Bernie was comfortably in the front seat of the car before dressing the twins and sitting them in their car seats. Trying not to break any road rules, Serena got Bernie to the hospital as soon as she could.

When Bernie was comfortably in bed and being looked after by a nurse, Serena took the twins to the crèche. She called her parents and informed them of the situation and asked if they could get Cameron and Charlotte. Thankfully, they were free and arrived about 15 minutes later. Serena thanked them profusely before rushing to Bernie's side once again.

When she returned, Bernie was in excruciating pain. As soon as she saw Serena she grabbed her hand tightly and didn't let go. Throughout the entire experience, Bernie held Serena's hand as Serena would encourage her to continue. She reminded her that the end result would be worth it, "Come on Darling, you can do this! Think of when little Elinor or Dominic arrives. We'll have a little baby. You can do this! I love you. I love you so much!" Everything Serena said was met with a grunt or groan from Bernie.

* * *

The labour had been going for a number of hours. Serena had tried to remember, but lost count after the 5th hour. It seemed like forever though. It was as if this labour would never end. Bernie was starting to tire, as was baby. Everyone knew that she needed to give birth as quickly as she could. Suddenly the baby shifted. Bernie was finally able to give birth to her child. It seemed that once baby was in the birth canal, it was easy for Bernie to finally bring life into this world.

After many grunts, groans and screams, Bernie and Serena's third child was born. Bernie was so tired, but Serena knew that something was wrong for three reasons. The first one was that the doctors hadn't announced whether it was a boy or girl. The next was that the baby wasn't crying and the third was that doctors had whisked the newborn across the room and was hidden from view.

Although Bernie was tired, she even knew that there wasn't something quite right. She whispered, exhaustedly, "Serena, why isn't my baby crying? What's happening?"

Serena desperately wanted to join the throng of doctors and nurses that surrounded their bundle of joy, but knew her place was next to her wife, "I don't know my darling. I really don't know."

"Why can't I hear crying?"

"I don't know, Darling. Get some rest. Close your eyes and lean against me."

But just before Bernie was able to get comfortable, the doctors surrounded the bed once again. After making sure that Bernie was conscious and alert, Serena spoke, "Doctor Harding, what's going on?"

The doctor in question looked down, before answering carefully, "There were some issues…"

* * *

 **A/N: And that's what they call a cliffhanger!**

 **Before you ask, no I don't know much about the army so I'm making most of it up.**

 **And, please don't kill me regarding the ending **ducks for cover****

 **Anyway, after I post this, I'm going to return to my keyboard to bring you the next instalment of A Tale of Another Time**

 **Thank you for reading, please review if you have anything at all to say.**

 **Love you guys xx**


	4. We Will Wait

**The doctor in question looked down, before answering carefully, "There were some issues…"**

* * *

"There were some issues which caused baby's birth to become quite difficult. We tried everything we could – " Doctor Harding was cut off.

"Please don't tell me our baby is gone," Serena all but begged.

"We did everything we could and fortunately we were able to save baby's – "

"Her name is Elinor!"

"I apologise. When Elinor was born, she wasn't breathing. Her umbilical cord had wrapped around her neck which unfortunately crushed her windpipe. We unwrapped the cord and were able to resuscitate her. She is on breathing support now until she can breathe on her own but we will have to keep her in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for observation and to make sure that she can breathe."

"So she almost died?"

"Yes. But there will be some side effects."

"Oh?"

"Unfortunately, due to the fact that Elinor's breathing had been hindered for approximately two weeks before birth and since she stopped breathing somewhere before birth, she is likely to have a short life, perhaps only just living through infancy at best, she will have seizures and be prone to developmental delays. It is also likely that Elinor will have permanent brain damage. I'm sorry but even though she lived, her future doesn't look good."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm so sorry but yes."

"How long does she have?"

"Not very long I'm afraid. I'd say 12 months' maximum. I'm so sorry I can't bring better news."

"When can we see her?"

"As soon as Bernie is deemed ready to move, then she can go and visit her, but as for you, Serena, you can see her in about 10 minutes if you'd like."

"Definitely. Can I ask a favour though?"

"Sure."

"Can we get some hand and footprint casts made please? Just in case. I don't want to forget her."

Doctor Harding replied simply with a smile and nod. Serena on the other hand watched as the doctor left, holding in her emotions until he had just stepped out of the room. The tears that had been threatening to fall spilled from her eyes as a quiet sob wracked her body. She knew that she couldn't lean on Bernie because she would be taking it just as hard. Looking toward Bernie, Serena noticed that she too was bawling her eyes out, albeit silently. Bernie seemed to notice that there were eyes on her so she turned her head to look to Serena. But when she realised that Serena was crying as well she gestured her into the bed so that they could share their grief together.

Serena took a deep breath, before saying, "We need to keep hope for her. We need to make sure she knows that we love her and that she will live. She will defy the odds, Bernie. She will live."

"Serena, you know that there is no way you can guarantee that. I want her to live. I need her to live. I can still feel her inside me, except that she isn't anymore. I can feel her heart beating strong. I know she is alive. Call it mother's instinct if you like, but I just know that she is strong. I – God, Serena if she doesn't live, I don't know what I'll do. Serena, I need her! I love her."

"Oh, Darling! I love her, too. If you want me to, I'll go see her as soon as I can and I'll bring back some photos. But, Bernie, with your genes I swear she'll be beautiful."

"Go and see her. Tell me what she looks like. Tell me everything. The colour of her hair, eyes, how many fingers and toes, her size... everything Serena! I need to know what she looks like!"

"Okay, Darling. I'll go and see what I can do. Get some sleep. I love you."

"Okay. I love you too."

They shared a quick kiss before Serena carefully climbed off the bed and left Bernie to rest. She moved from the room swiftly before making her way to the NICU with the camera she had obtained before leaving Bernie. Upon reaching Elinor's Humidicrib, Serena's heart skipped a beat, as a gasp overtook her regular breaths. She was right. Elinor was so beautiful! Despite the breathing support that was covering her mouth and nose, Serena could see her beautiful features. She had Bernie's complexion, and the little tufts of hair that barely covered Elinor's head were as blonde as her mother's. She took dozens of pictures, and as the polaroid's developed, she took more and more. She would remember her and Bernie's baby no matter what.

After taking about 100 pictures, Serena's moment was interrupted by Doctor Harding's arrival. He smiled politely before observing Elinor's stats. Serena interrupted Harding's process by asking, "What are her measurements?"

Looking guilty, Harding replied, "Unfortunately with all the panic and now the breathing support, we were unable to take any. And because she's so fragile, we can't take any now."

"Can you at least estimate or give an educated guess?"

"I could, but because of NHS rules, I need to give accurate measurements for the system."

"But just for Bernie. She can't see her and she asked me to get the measurements and pictures."

"I'm so sorry, but I can't. What if on the birth certificate, the measurements are different and she becomes suspicious? I can't fool my patients. It's unethical."

"Okay. I'll just let her know that I couldn't see any measurements and I didn't see any doctors."

"Thank you. I'll pop back in to Bernie's room in a couple of hours to check how Bernie's doing."

Serena smiled, before turning back to Elinor and simply staring at her, a number of thoughts swimming around in her head. She couldn't believe that Elinor was so tiny. She wanted so badly to reach in and grab her hand, but knew the smallest infection could cause a dramatic decline in her health. Instead, she took to stroking the outside of the Humidicrib, pretending that it was Elinor, "Hey, Baby. I'm your Mummy. Your Mama is such a strong woman. She brought you into this world and I love her so much for it. We both love you so so much. It took so long to get you here, but now that you're here I know that you are so strong. You will pull through this and you will live to be 103! I love you so much. Remember that, Elinor. Remember that no matter what happens, Mama and I love you so much. You have an older brother and sister and we love you and both of them more than anything in the world. You are our world. I can't wait until the day when you are let out of the hospital. I have to get back to you Mama now, but I'll come and see you later. I love you, Darling." Serena stroked the Humidicrib one last time, before she wiped the gathered tears off her face and left the room, gathering the photographs and camera as she did.

* * *

"…And this shows her tiny little feet. Oh, Bernie, you did so well! She's so beautiful and I can't wait until the twins get to see her," Serena finished showing Bernie the photos.

"She certainly is something, isn't she? I haven't even seen her, but I love her so much, Serena. I love her. She, the twins and you are my whole world," Bernie continued weakly. She had just woken up again after Doctor Harding had examined her. He said that despite the fact that she was steadily improving, she would definitely have to stay in bed for another day at least. Because Bernie had struggled so much to deliver Elinor, there was a little bit of damage that needed to repair itself before she was able to move too much.

Bernie had definitely enjoyed looking at the polaroids of her daughter. It gave her the opportunity to see what she had created without causing any more injury to herself. Even though she had the photos and had looked through them multiple times since waking up, Bernie still yearned for the touch of her baby. She still yearned to see her baby, to feel her grasp her hand. She knew that Elinor was still alive. By some kind of instinct or connection to her daughter, Bernie could tell that she was still alive. She could tell that her heart was beating strong and she was still living. She missed her baby so much. Rubbing her still enlarged stomach, Bernie imagined that Elinor was still there. It provided some comfort, but Bernie couldn't shake the melancholy feeling deep within.

* * *

Over the next couple of days, Bernie was making excellent progress. By the first day after giving birth, she was able to sit up but still had to stay in her room. By the second day, Bernie was allowed to move around the room, even sit in a wheelchair to visit Elinor.

The visit to Elinor in NICU was bittersweet. Bernie was finally able to see her baby, but not as she had imagined her. She had noticed the breathing support in Serena's photos but she had been able to ignore it. But seeing the apparatus on her daughter, covering a majority of her face, the harsh reality of her life became so much more real. Despite that, she was so happy to see her daughter. Unknowingly following in her wife's footsteps, Bernie began stroking Elinor's Humidicrib all the while imagining that it was her daughter that she was touching. As she began to speak tears began to fall steadily from her eyes, "Hey Little One, I'm your Mama. I'm sorry that I haven't been to see you but I heard that Mummy was keeping you company in the meantime. I love you so much, beautiful girl. I want you to live so much. I need you to live. I want to feel you grab my hand," as she said that, Elinor's tiny little fist opened and closed as if grasping her other's finger. "I want to hold your hand too, Elinor. Please survive baby! Please… I need you. I need you like I need your Mummy. You, her and Cameron and Charlotte are my world. You are my oxygen, my only life source. I would do anything for you, I would give up my job for you. I would go to the ends of the earth just to make sure you are all safe. I have to go back to bed now, Darling, but just know that I love you so much!"

Just after Bernie left, Elinor started crying. It wasn't a sorrowful cry; it wasn't a hungry cry. It was a painful cry. It was a cry which told the doctors that there was something desperately wrong with her. It told them that she needed immediate attention or else she might just die…

* * *

 **A/N: So that's it! Chapter is over and honestly I had to rewrite this so many times because I just couldn't get it right. Long story short, this is the final version of this chapter. Also, I haven't written whether Elinor lives or dies because I have so much to do at the moment. So, if you'll bear with, it will be up as soon as I write it.**

 **Please leave a review if you'd like.  
** **ClosetMisfit xx**


	5. Memories of Us

Serena had been sitting with Bernie in her room, simply speaking about Elinor and Cameron and Charlotte, "Do you remember the time –

* * *

when Charlotte drew that picture of the whole family. But instead of simply four people, there were more – including a tiny baby, a dog, a cat and a menagerie of other indistinct animals. It seemed as if Charlotte had decided that their family needed to be bigger.

"Charlotte, what a lovely drawing!" Serena had exclaimed.

Charlotte blushed and began describing the picture, "Mummy, this is you and Mama, this is me and Cam, and this is baby in Mama's tummy, and this is a doggie, a kitty, a bunbun, a rigaffe, hippo, and birdies. Our family."

Serena pulled Charlotte into a hug, "Darling, it's beautiful. Do you want to put it on the fridge?"

"Can I show Mama first?"

"Sure. Go on."

Charlotte began muttering gibberish to herself as she tottered off to find her Mama. She looked into the sunroom, then the kitchen, then the lounge room where she finally found her Mama. Once she had sighted her Mama she ran toward her, "MAMA!"

"Hi Pumpkin," Bernie replied, tired.

"Look at what I drawed."

"It's beautiful Charlotte. You even included Baby! How thoughtful of you."

She listened as Charlotte babbled on about the picture, occasionally interjecting with words of understanding. But really she was thinking to how much Charlotte had come out of her shell while she had been pregnant. Instead of simply being quiet and repressed around Bernie due to her absence in her early life, she had become bubbly and talkative, often choosing Bernie to snuggle up to on the couch. She loved to feel the baby kick in Bernie's belly and got a thrill every time she felt it.

Charlotte and Bernie were sitting together for only a short time before Charlotte began getting tired. After waking her up, Bernie held her hand and guided her up the stairs into her bed to sleep. It hurt that Bernie was now too big to pick up her children but she knew it could cause injuries to the twins and her baby if she was to drop either of them or if she fell herself. So, to keep everyone safe, Bernie opted to simply hold their hands instead.

It seemed that Cameron had been feeling tired as well as Serena was just putting him down as well. The only difference was that Serena had placed him in bed, obviously after carrying him. Bernie allowed herself a little smile before helping her young daughter into bed and tucking her in. She normally would have changed her into sleeping clothes but she knew she wouldn't have time before Charlotte fell asleep. After placing her in bed and tucking her in, Bernie sat on the edge of the bed calmly stroking through her brown locks as she drifted to sleep.

After making sure that her daughter was completely asleep, Bernie stood up from the bed, heading over to the door where her wife was standing, simply watching the scene unfold. Bernie turned around to watch her kids for a small moment before leaving. As she did so, Serena wrapped her arms around her belly, stroking it slightly, embracing both her wife and the baby within her. Bernie leaned back into Serena's touch, slowly pushing them both from the room to let their children sleep properly.

As they arrived in the kitchen, Bernie and Serena began talking about baby names as they had done when Serena was pregnant.

"I honestly think this one is going to be a girl, Serena," Bernie argued against her wife.

"It's definitely a boy, Bernie. I can feel it," Serena replied, just as argumentative.

"It's quite obvious we aren't going to agree so perhaps we should just decide on a name for both a boy and a girl?"

"Okay. Fine. What do you suggest?"

"Well I was thinking Catherine."

"I dislike the name Catherine. It's a tad archaic. What about Elinor?"

"I like Elinor. It's got a sweet tone. What about Dominic if it's a boy?"

"I like the name Dominic. Elinor or Dominic; they're sweet names. I can't wait to meet the little one."

"Me neither. Hey, Serena?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"And I you."

They migrated closer to one another before Bernie grasped Serena's waist and pulled her flush against her – well as flush as they could get with a baby between them. She leant into Serena's hand as it caressed her cheek, moving into the short blonde curls that lay messily about Bernie's head. Bernie placed her free hand at the nape of Serena's neck, pulling her in for a much-needed kiss. It was a saccharine kiss which seemed never-ending. Their lips moved in tandem, slowly; tenderly. It was a moment which both women immensely enjoyed, especially Serena. She was able to feel her wife's lips on her own once again as well as their young child moved between them. She moved her hand to Bernie's stomach, stroking the stretched skin with her thumb. Smiling into the kiss, both women knew they had to breathe at some point. Pulling apart, they rested their foreheads on one another's while Bernie moved a hand to cover Serena's own on their stomach…

* * *

… And then you presented me with this ring," Serena finished. She fingered the ring lovingly as she recalled the sentiment. Despite the seemingly content nature of the afternoon, there was a potential storm brewing in the atmosphere. Something bad was destined to happen and as much as neither woman wanted to acknowledge that, they both knew it was inevitable.

"What about that time before we were married," Bernie started laughing at the memory. "I tried to force you to come for a run with me –

* * *

"Oh come on Serena! It's not that far. And its so much fun," Bernie coaxed Serena.

"No. No, definitely not. I do not want to run. I hate running, you know that," she stated to her girlfriend, matter-of-factly.

"Of course I know that, but come on! Just this once?"

"Fine. But as long as you only jog and we stop when I say."

"Okay. Come on then."

About 20 minutes into the run, Bernie stopped supposedly to tie her shoe and Serena stopped alongside her. She couldn't believe herself that she was able to keep up with Bernie this long. Despite her long hair getting in the way, she was able to keep pace pretty well, sometimes even pretending to speed up so that Bernie had to catch up to her. It seemed to be taking Bernie an awfully long time to tie her shoelaces, so Serena looked down to see Bernie on one knee. In one hand she held aloft a perfect white daisy with a sapphire ring perched atop it.

Bernie began speaking at Serena's confused look, "Serena Wendy Campbell, I am so desperately in love with you. In a way that is almost embarrassing. I will love you so so much and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you that love," by this time, a crowd had gathered around the women and Serena was struggling to hold back her tears. "As soon as I saw you in that lecture room 8 years ago, I knew you were The One despite me being in a relationship at the time. I knew that you were The One who would love me as much as I loved you, The One who I could depend on, The One who would know me better than I know myself. Serena, I love you in a really big, on the verge of too much, devoted, embarrassing enough to propose in public kind of way. Will you marry me?"

This was too much for Serena, who simply nodded. Bernie held out the daisy and as Serena reached for it with her left hand, Bernie slipped the ring onto her finger before kissing the ring on her finger and looking deep into her eyes. Raising back up from the floor, Bernie pulled Serena in for a passionate kiss, albeit short.

Suddenly putting two and two together and indeed getting four, Serena began, "Wait, was this all a ploy to propose?"

"Maybe," Bernie looked embarrassed.

"That's so sweet. Hey, I'll race you home!" Serena began running extremely quickly, not giving Bernie enough time to react.

"Hey!" Bernie followed after her now-fiancée quickly, catching her before they left the park they'd entered. She ran slightly behind Serena, allowing her to win, just to see the smile on her face.

* * *

"– And if I remember correctly, I was rewarded for my courage that night," Bernie guffawed.

"That was a lovely day. I still can't believe I ended up going running. It goes against all my principles. But if you remember, I did quite well," Serena recollected.

"You did," suddenly Bernie's face fell and she began crying.

"What's wrong, Darling?"

"Elinor. Something bad has happened. I can feel it. Well, it's more that I can't feel her anymore. Serena, I can't feel my daughter! I can't feel her heart anymore! Serena, what's happening?"

Serena pulled Bernie into a tight hug, whispering, "It will be okay Darling. She will be fine. We love her and that love will keep her alive. She's a strong little thing and she will pull through everything and make sure she stays alive for her Mama."

But, when Doctor Harding arrived with a solemn look on his face, Serena's fell, too…

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, so this is a little filler chapter which gives a bit of an insight into the Berena life during Bernie's pregnancy and well beforehand. It just gave me an opportunity to set the family scene and to be honest I like writing flashbacks to Berena pre-children.**

 **Leave a review!**

 **ClosetMisfit is out! xx**


	6. If I Die Young

"Bernie, Serena, unfortunately I have some bad news," Doctor Harding could barely look at the two women.

"What's hap-" Serena began tentatively.

"She's dead isn't she?" Bernie interjected, brusquely.

"I'm sorry, despite our best efforts, we were unable to keep Elinor breathing. The breathing support stopped supporting her. I'm so sorry, she passed away about 20 minutes ago."

"You couldn't save her? Did you even try? Did you do anything out of the box? Or did you stick to the normal three-step process?"

"We did everything. We tried absolutely everything we could think of. Every combination but nothing worked. I'm so sorry."

"I want – no, I need to see her."

"Pardon?"

"I need to see my daughter."

"I'm sorry but that's not possible."

"Why not?"

"Firstly, she is no longer on NICU and unfortunately you could still have injuries from your birth. Ethically, I can't let you go."

"I don't care. Let me see her."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks."

Bernie sat in the bed, staring blankly after the doctor. Although Serena tried to talk to her, Bernie wouldn't respond in any way. Even after nudging her, Serena got no reply from Bernie at all. It was as if she were in a trance. It was as if Bernie had been frozen in time, only waiting for the moment when her baby girl came into the room. She was only released from this stupor when Harding returned, empty-handed. A flash of anger pulled itself across Bernie's face like a storm cloud brewing before the storm.

In a dangerously quiet voice, Bernie began, "Where in the name of bloody fuck is my daughter?"

Gulping, Doctor Harding replied, "Unfortunately, due to legal requirements, we are not at liberty to release Elinor's body at this time."

"Elinor's body? ELINOR'S BODY! YOU REFER TO MY DAUGHTER SIMPLY AS A BODY?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? SHE IS A PERSON AND I NEED TO SEE HER… _NOW!_ "

"I apologise for the turn of phrase but I can't actually let you see your daughter due to legal issues."

"Fine. Then I need to get out of here."

"What?"

"I need to leave. Discharge me. Right now or I'll discharge myself immediately. We're both doctors. We'll be fine."

"I can't allow you to do that without another examination."

"You're going to have to."

"It's not possible. From a medical perspective, I cannot put you at risk by discharging you at this time."

"Not my problem. Serena, we're leaving. Now." Bernie immediately pulled the covers from her bed and moved toward Serena, who was holding the bag with all their possessions. However, she was stopped by the lines that were holding her near the bed. So, she ripped those out before making her way toward her wife, who offered her free arm as they gingerly made their way from the room. Bewildered, Serena didn't utter a word. She couldn't risk saying the wrong thing or even angering Bernie while she was in this dangerous mood.

Bernie had to sign discharge papers and get changed, so the process of leaving took longer than either woman anticipated.

Making their way to the car took longer than anticipated. Bernie could feel her heart being ripped to pieces. It felt as if the more steps she took, the more painful they became. It felt as if she was leaving a very large piece of her already fragmented heart within the perimeters of the hospital. She had given away too much of her heart already and to have to leave another part behind simply left Bernie with almost nothing left. The pain she was feeling was akin to torture. It felt as if someone had pulled her heartstrings to their breaking point and beyond while strumming them like a musical instrument.

Bernie's vice-like grip on Serena was not only to help her walk, it was to stop her from turning around. If she stopped walking, if she looked back even for a second, she would literally fall to pieces. She would either turn back and run back to where her baby was or melt into the floor, in an emotional, depressed heap. The least painful option – albeit only slightly – was to walk away. To leave her baby behind; to leave the memories in the hospital. It was the worst pain that Bernie had ever felt, but she knew that in the long run, it would be better not to dwell on the misery she quite obviously felt.

* * *

"What do we tell everyone, Bernie?" Serena had finally broached the subject after the apparent year-long silence that encapsulated the women as soon as they'd entered the car.

"Huh?" Bernie was barely concentrating. She was trying to remember everything about her baby girl.

"What do we tell our family and friends?"

"I honestly don't care. My daughter is dead. What's the point?"

"Oh, I don't know… maybe me and the twins?"

"The twins…" Bernie repeated hollowly.

"Yes. Our other children. Currently with my parents… What do you want me to tell them?"

"Just tell them there's no baby. End of story."

"We can't be that cruel to them. They're only 3 years old."

"Exactly. They won't understand. Tell them that there's no baby. Simple as that."

"I'll explain to them what happened. You're upset and angry, which is understandable but you're in no state of mind to tell the children anything."

"Fine. Do as you please."

Silence in the car ensued following the argument that they'd just had. Bernie didn't even register their arrival at Serena's parents' house. She simply sat in the front seat of the car, staring out the window, buried so deep in her mind that even the loudest of noises, or the brightest of lights couldn't pull her from the grave she'd sunk into. She didn't acknowledge Serena's quick squeeze of her hand, the kiss to her cheek or even the car door slamming as Serena left the vehicle. A solitary tear fell down the blonde's cheek as soon as her wife left.

* * *

"Hi Mum," Serena uttered, rejected.

"Hi, Darling. Where's my grandbaby?" Adrienne was excited.

"Sit down, Mum. We need to talk before I leave."

"Okay."

"The thing is, Elinor didn't make it. She wasn't breathing properly and even though they put her on breathing support, she didn't make it." By this point, Serena was very much in tears. She continued talking through them simply because she had to, she didn't really want to.

"Oh, Darling. I'm so sorry! Do you need us to do anything? Do you want us to look after the twins for a little while longer?"

"Honestly, I don't think there is anything you can do. We'll take the children tonight but I don't know what we're going to need in the future."

"Okay. Shall I get Cameron and Charlotte?"

"Where are they? I'll get them."

"They're playing in your old room."

Serena left without saying a word. She passed by the bathroom to freshen up, before heading toward her old room. Pushing the door open, she saw her children sitting on the floor, leaning against the old bed, fast asleep. She had to smile softly at this. Despite everything that had happened, it was as if their older children were the silver lining which every cloud seemed to have. She really didn't want to wake them, but knew she had to because she couldn't carry them both to the car as well as their belongings.

Carefully shaking them, Serena whispered, "Darlings! Wake up… It's mummy. It's time to go home," Slowly but surely, Charlotte woke up, immediately launching herself at her mother when she saw her, hugging her tightly around her neck. "Hello, Sweetheart. I've missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, Mummy!" Charlotte said into her neck.

Cameron seemed to realise that his sister was awake because seconds later, he too was awake and launching himself at his mother and sister, "MUMMY!" he squealed.

"I missed you, too Cam!"

"Me too Mummy. Are we gonna see Mama and baby?"

"We're going to see Mummy, yes," Serena readjusted Cameron and Charlotte so they were sat on her thighs, staring back at her. "I'm going to tell you something and you have to be very quiet, okay?"

Both children nodded.

"Your little sister, Elinor was very sick. Because she was so sick, she died. She is in heaven right now looking down on us. Do you understand?" All Serena got was two very sad little nods. Both her children seemed to understand that their little sister wouldn't be with them. "We have to look after Mama because she is very sad. We need to go back to the car now because Mama will be wondering where we are. Where are your bags?"

Cameron and Charlotte led Serena to their bags, and after she put them on her shoulders, grabbed both of her hands and led her down the stairs. It seemed as if the twins both knew that they had to help not only their Mama but their Mummy as well. Serena let her children lead her as far as the kitchen. She wanted to say goodbye to her parents and check if they were okay. Upon seeing them at the kitchen table, grave-faced but not in hysterics, Serena assumed they were fine. Serena gave them both a quick peck on the cheek before grabbing her children's hands again and leaving the house. But, when they got to the car, they noticed that Bernie wasn't in it anymore. Serena stared at the car, transfixed – where on earth was her wife and why did she just run away?

* * *

 **A/N: And that's the next instalment. I'm so sorry it took so long but honestly I haven't had a spare minute until today.**

 **Also, I apologise for the fact that the story so far is so depressing, but it will get better eventually. As for where Bernie is, that's gone off-script so I'll have to draft that one. It might take a little while because of life but it will be up soon.**

 **Thank you to everyone who has Favourited my story, me and thank you to anyone who has left a review.**

 **Love you all,**

 **ClosetMisfit xx**


	7. Who You'd Be

Bernie couldn't stand it… the heat in the car that is. The stifling heat of memories, misery and destruction. She needed to get out; to get away. So, she did what she had never planned to do; she ran away. She ran away from Serena, from her daughter and from the positivity that was their first two children. She needed time and space to rediscover who she was without Elinor. It was already so hard without her. What could she have been? What could she have seen? What could she have achieved? Bernie would never know.

Passing by a numerous amount of shopping centres, for some reason Bernie decided to stop outside a hair salon. Running her fingers through her hair, she decided she needed a change – a drastic one at that. Stalking in, she told the stylist that she needed something new. She needed a change. The stylist only nodded before beginning to cut away the long locks that surrounded Bernie's face. This process only brought tears to Bernie's eyes. She would never see her daughter's first haircut – she tried to imagine it:

* * *

 **DREAM SEQUENCE – in Bernie's head**

Bernie walked into the salon with a fussing Elinor on her hip. At a year old, Elinor's locks had grown and they needed to be cut. Bernie ran her fingers through the wispy hair on her daughter's head before placing a kiss to it and approaching a stylist. The stylist immediately understood what Bernie wanted to happen and gowned them both up so that Elinor could cling to Bernie when she got scared (it was inevitable). As the mere centimetres were cut from her head, she began to wriggle. So much so, that the stylist was almost unable to cut her hair. Bernie glanced sympathetically at the poor woman while trying to calm her baby.

Eventually, Elinor was able to find peace in the situation and she let the hair stylist cut her hair, content in her mother's arms for the first time that afternoon. The hair stylist ensured that she saved a few locks of her hair to give to Bernie for memories.

* * *

But Bernie would never get to have any of her hair. She would never experience the first haircut. She was so alone.

Bernie left the hair salon, dejected. A weight had been lifted from her – but only in the one sense. Her hair now barely reached her shoulders and curled stubbornly around her neck. She ran a shaking hand through it, before passing through the streets, with no where specific in mind. She vaguely recalled what street she was on, and where it went, but didn't care. She didn't care because it didn't matter to her anymore.

Hastening her pace despite the pain, Bernie passed the park where she wished she could bring Elinor one day. She saw a family encouraging their little baby to walk…

* * *

 **DREAM SEQUENCE – in Bernie's head**

Bernie had surprised Serena and the children with a picnic to mark the anniversary of her return. They all trampled down the small, rolling hills of green (with Elinor in the buggy) before settling in a place where the sunlight dappled the grass through the dense trees. It was unseasonably warm, so they knew the children – especially Elinor – would overheat quite quickly. Both the twins were running around excitedly as soon as they arrived, leaving their mothers to set up the blanket and food.

Little Elinor still hadn't started to walk yet, but she was quite good at crawling and could stand up if she had something to grab on to. Hence why they had to keep her strapped in the buggy for the time being. She seemed quite content in there, gurgling every now and then, laughing at herself and grabbing her feet. Bernie and Serena both smiled and laughed at their daughter. She truly was adorable. After setting up all the food, Bernie and Serena watched their children play for a while. Serena was sat between Bernie's legs, leant against her chest, feeling the steady beating of her heart. It was moments like these that both women treasured. Serena suddenly moved, deciding to let Elinor out of the buggy to enjoy the fresh air like the rest of them.

Elinor eagerly clutched at her mother, not protesting when she was sat in front of her mothers. Instead, she grabbed at the picnic cloth and the nearby grass, frowning when she saw her siblings playing far away from them. She began to weep before Serena and Bernie decided to allow her to play with the other children. They went to pick her up, but she insisted on standing up, trying to walk. She hung tightly to both Bernie's hands as she toddled unstably towards her brother and sister. Slowly she began to get better, and was almost walking confidently to Cameron and Charlotte who crowded her, encouraging her to continue.

Bernie and Serena decided to test Elinor's ability. They sat about a half-metre apart on the soft grass, with Elinor standing in Serena's arms. Cameron and Charlotte were sat opposite each other about half a metre adjacent to their mothers – they formed a circle around the baby to allow her to try to walk without hurting herself. Serena let Elinor go and she toddled uncertainly out of Serena's arms toward Cameron first. They all encouraged her to keep going, and eventually she was walking from person to person with childish ease. Bernie took hold of Elinor as they all moved back a bit to allow Elinor more room to move.

Eventually, Elinor was moving easily between the members of her family. But, Cameron and Charlotte were getting fussy as they were getting hungry, so they decided to rake a break from this to eat some food. They all walked back, with Elinor grasping tightly to her mothers' hands as she toddled happily, albeit tiredly between them.

* * *

But Bernie wouldn't get to see that. She would never experience the milestones. She would never experience any of the important parts of Elinor's life because she was dead. Her daughter was dead and she'd missed all the milestones with her other children. She would never get to experience any of the important milestones at all. She would never experience the first tooth, the first solid food, the first day of school, the first love, the first heartbreak or even her wedding day. She would never get to see her little girl grow up and that was the worst pain.

Bernie absentmindedly made her way through the streets, occasionally taking random lefts and rights, eventually making her way to the Army Headquarters in Stepney. Immediately, she realised where she was and made sure she looked presentable. She needed to run. She needed to get away. She needed to forget.

"Can I see General Hargreaves, please?" Bernie began.

"What is your name?" the receptionist responded, not looking up.

"Major Berenice Wolfe of the Royal Army Medical Corps."

"Ahhh, Major Wolfe, go right through. We've been waiting for a visit from you."

"Thank you." Bernie hobbled through to General Hargreaves office, knowing the way having been there before.

When Bernie arrived at the door, she knocked softly. Upon hearing the assent of the General to enter, she quietly opened the door and padded into the room. She knew that Hargreaves hadn't seen her, so she cleared her throat quietly, hoping that she would.

"Major Wolfe! It's a pleasure to see you!" Hargreaves exclaimed.

"General." Bernie replied sharply.

"What can I do for you?"

"I want to go on another tour."

"Didn't you leave to start a family?"

"Yes. But that didn't happen."

"Oh? What happened?"

"My baby died."

"I'm so sorry, Bernie. Offer my condolences to your partner."

"I will. So, when can I start?"

"As soon as you get medical clearance."

"Can't I just start now? I need to get away."

"Only if you want to do administration work here first?"

"That would be preferable."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

"Thank you." Bernie saluted the General before she left the room.

* * *

At home, Serena was waiting anxiously for Bernie's return. She couldn't call her and had no other way of contacting her. But Serena's wait was short-lived because soon Bernie walked in the door, or rather stumbled. Her injuries had gotten substantially worse from walking around for as long as she did. As soon as Serena heard the front door open, she ran towards it, almost tackling her wife in her relief. But all she got in return was a stoic gaze and stiff posture. Bernie's skin crawled as her wife embraced her; human contact was the one thing that she most definitely didn't want. She gently pushed her wife off her, simply gazing at her with no emotion in her eyes.

Gasping, Serena said, "You cut your hair! Why?"

Bernie offered no response. She just brushed past Serena nonchalantly, ignoring even her children as she slumped up the stairs towards her bedroom. She just needed to stay away from everyone. She needed time and space to figure her head out. She couldn't deal with her wife's supportive comments or her children's childish play. Slumping on the bed, Bernie began to think of her daughter, trying to gain some peace.

But Bernie's peace was interrupted by Serena's tentative entrance into their bedroom. Bernie raised her head to see that she was holding a box. Nervously, Serena edged her way closer to the bed, sitting softly near Bernie's head, placing the box beside her. She began, "Bernie, the hospital called while you were out. They took the casts we asked for along with Elinor's birth certificate, paperwork and some photographs. Where do you want me to put them?"

Without speaking, Bernie took the box from beside her and headed out of the bedroom to the attic where Serena refused to ever go. She ascended the ladder quickly, pushing the door open with ease and climbing through. She continued to the furthest corner and dumped the box there. Out of sight, out of mind – or that's what she figured.

* * *

Despite trying everything, Bernie could not get more than a few hours sleep at a time. She kept dreaming about Elinor. She could not get her out of her head. One such dream was not a dream, but a nightmare:

 _Bernie was carrying her beautiful daughter through a park, admiring the autumn leaves that had gathered on the floor. The burnt orange that surrounded them was breathtaking. Bernie saw Serena in the distance with Cameron and Charlotte playing around them._

 _Bernie smiled, heading toward her family, offering her baby to her wife, letting her comfort the now awake Elinor. But, Bernie found herself regretting that decision when Serena began manically laughing. She moved away slowly, carrying Elinor in a vice-like grip._

" _Don't! You'll hurt her!" Bernie exclaimed._

" _Don't care. You'll never see her again anyway," Serena snarled._

 _Bernie found herself rooted to the spot, not in shock but by actual concrete building up around her feet. She watched in horror as the leaves ahead of her family turned to flames. Serena continued forward into the flames fearlessly, her maniacal laugh echoing in Bernie's ears as her children were dragged away from her._

Bernie gasped awake, sweating once again. She looked to her right and saw her wife sleeping soundly, her eyes still puffed from the tears she shed after Bernie put away all the memories they had of their daughter. Bernie got out of bed and headed past the crib she was going to use for her daughter and past the bathroom to wash her face, into the spare bedroom where the bed was already made. She climbed in, yearning for the solitude she often found in her grief. She needed to be away from her wife until she began her next tour.

* * *

 **A/N: And that's it. So as I previously mentioned, this was off-script but I'm pretty proud of it. I suppose that Bernie deals with grief in a very different way to Serena. I think even in Holby, Bernie's emotions are very central and she is good at compartmentalising, therefore is seen as cold which I took to mean that her grief would be extremely internal.**

 **Also, please don't kill me. This fic is very depressing but it will get better! I have a few things in store for this story, so I'll try and get my fingers to the keyboard and type them up for you all.**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **If you'd like to, please leave a review.**

 **ClosetMisfit xx**


	8. Love Hurts

It had been 3 months since Elinor's death. Bernie had still not been deemed well enough to go on another tour. The one thing that was stopping her was her mental state. General Hargreaves thought that if she let Bernie back into the field, she would do something stupid, perhaps suicidal. As a result, Bernie turned towards alcohol in order to deal with her grief. She had spent every single night since her daughter's death in the spare room, avoiding any contact with her wife. The day after Elinor had passed, Serena had simply touched Bernie on the shoulder and she felt as though she had one thousand bugs crawling over her skin. She could not stand to have her wife touch her.

Neither woman was coping at all.

The twins spent more time away from their parents than they did with them. Serena had continued working, but instead of avoiding shifts, she asked to be rostered on for more. This was a very bad move. Her work was suffering and she was at risk of being fired everyday. She too had been drinking more and more alcohol since Elinor's death. She had sent her children to her parents' house, and even Bernie's parents during the night time. She couldn't deal with seeing the oblivious smiles of Charlotte and Cameron.

However, shit truly hit the fan one night after Serena had been drinking and Bernie had been steadfastly ignoring her even though she was sat in the same room. They hadn't even said a proper word to each other in 3 months. Serena had tried time and time again to speak to Bernie, but she would just ignore her completely. The only time Bernie would even speak to Serena was when it was about Cameron and Charlotte and whose house they would be staying at the following week.

Slamming her book shut, Serena suddenly spoke up, "Bernie, this is completely ridiculous!" Looking over to her wife, Serena was met with radio silence. "I get that you miss her, but you've been pushing us all away. This has to stop! We can't go on like this." Once again Serena was met with complete silence. Shaking her head and ignoring the tears in her eyes, Serena twisted the rings on her finger, pulling them off and placing them on the armrest nearest to Bernie. She ran upstairs, silent tears streaming down her face. She grabbed a few items of clothing and a pair of shoes, before reaching for her handbag, sighing and heading back downstairs. "Goodbye, my love," Serena whispered to Bernie.

Serena climbed into her car, sitting in there for a few minutes, thinking about where to go. She didn't really want to go to her parents because she knew that there would be questions, but she really had nowhere else to go. Starting the engine and reversing, she missed the subtle shift in the curtains of her wife watching her leave. As Serena drove, a repeat of The Archers played. The words simply washed over her, like a wave that had no meaning.

Arriving at her parents' house, Serena rang the doorbell. She knew she looked a complete mess, her mascara had run down her cheeks with her tears and the bags under her eyes gave away her fatigue, but at that point Serena didn't care. But when her mother arrived at the door, she completely broke down again. Adrienne ushered her in, holding her daughter tightly as she cried, feeling every heave and every sob and every emotion that wracked her body. Somehow Adrienne knew that Serena's sorrow was because of Bernie.

It took Serena about 5 minutes to completely calm down, the only noise that came from her was her ragged breathing, still shaky from her breakdown. It was at this moment that Adrienne asked, "What happened, honey?"

"Nothing. And that's exactly what the problem is. I told her that I was over her ignoring me and she just continued to read her book," Serena went to fiddle with her wedding and engagement ring, which Adrienne noticed were missing. "And so, I left. I left her to come here. At least I know that my children are here. Where are they by the way?"

"They're eating their dinner. But first I think you'd better clean up before you saw them."

"Good idea. I'll be five minutes."

Serena ascended the stairs, heading straight for the bathroom. She was shocked when she looked in the mirror. She knew she looked a mess, but she didn't realise how bad she was. She splashed water on her face, washing off all the mascara and tear tracks. But what didn't wash away was the redness in her eyes and on her nose. They would last for a while yet. But, she knew that she couldn't prolong her meeting with her children.

Descending the stairs, Serena was looking forward to seeing her children again. She knew it was awful but she couldn't help thinking that without Bernie around, it seemed as if a darkness had lifted. She still felt a deep sadness but it was less obvious now that she had the opportunity to see her children.

Deciding that she would sneak into the room, Serena lightened her step, tiptoeing down the rest of the stairs and across the landing to the dining room. She saw her children quietly eating their dinner with their backs toward the doorway. She couldn't help but smile softly at them, but she continued to tiptoe anyway. As she approached her children, she began, "Well, if I knew you behaved like this with Granny and Granddad, I would have invited them around more often."

Through excited streaks, Cameron and Charlotte turned around, jumping off their chairs and running towards their Mummy. "Mummy!" they both exclaimed as they embraced their mother's thighs. Noticing that she was the only one there, Cameron asked, "Where's Mama?"

After pulling her children off her legs, Serena crouched down and replied, "Mama had to stay at home because she has a lot of work to do. I just thought I would come and see my little monkeys."

Before anyone could reply, Adrienne interrupted, "Cameron, Charlotte, I know you're excited to see Mummy, but I need you to come back to the table and finish eating your vegetables."

Nodding sullenly, Cameron and Charlotte traipsed back to the table, lifting themselves onto the chairs they were in before. After ensuring that the twins were seated, Adrienne asked, "Do you want something to eat, Serena?"

"Honestly Mum, I don't think I can eat anything right now," Serena replied.

Nodding, Adrienne joined her husband and grandchildren, beckoning Serena to follow as well.

Serena sat near her children and watched them both, marvelling at seeing them again. She felt like she was seeing them for the first time in years. She felt as if she didn't really recognise them, but they were completely beautiful. They were beautiful and they were Serena's and she didn't want to care about anything but them. But, she did. She cared too much about her wife and her dead child and it pained her every time she thought about it. She needed to concentrate on Cameron and Charlotte from now on.

* * *

Serena returned home two days later. She had run out of clothes and she needed to go into work and make some arrangements. She didn't expect anyone to be in the house, so she simply walked right in, shocked when she found the house a complete mess. It looked as though someone had completely trashed the place. After looking around the downstairs area and finding everything a complete and utter mess, she headed up the stairs, having to dodge clothes littered everywhere. She found the spare bedroom in mush the same state as the rest of the house, but found her room immaculate. The only difference was the absence of her pillow.

After collecting some clothes for work, Serena left. She couldn't be in that house longer than was absolutely necessary. However, just before she got to the front door it opened, revealing a dishevelled blonde. She looked almost as bad as the house. It looked as though she hadn't brushed her hair in days, or washed her clothes either. But, as she stumbled into the room, there was a glimmer of hope in her eyes as she saw her wife.

"Serena," Bernie breathed. It was the first time she had spoken her wife's name in three months.

"I'm just leaving. I have an appointment at the hospital," Serena replied, looking anywhere but Bernie.

"What? Are you okay?"

"It's only so I can tell them I'm resigning. I need to concentrate on my children."

"Stay."

"What?"

"Stay. I want to talk."

"Fine." Serena walked into the living room, where Bernie followed.

"Serena, I need to apologise. I've been horrible. I miss my daughter. I lost everything when she died. Including my mind, it would seem. It's just that I feel so much pain everyday. And when you walked out the other day, I wanted to run after you. But, by the time I realised that that's what I wanted to do, it was too late. I didn't even know where you went."

"Bernie, you do realise that that's the most you've said to me in three months. This is the first time that you've said my name, even recognised my existence. You've been ignoring me, Cameron and Charlotte and it hurts so much. And believe me, the children have noticed because we've shipped them off here, there and everywhere while we've been grieving."

"I lost my daughter, Serena. She is dead."

"I know what you're going though. I lost a daughter, too."

"How can you know what I'm going through?! You've never lost a child."

"I lost this one! Does Elinor not count as my chid?"

"No! She doesn't. You were never her real mother. You weren't part of the pregnancy! I held her for 9 months. I spoke to her about everything… I loved her so much. I lost my daughter! You never lost yours… she's at her Gran's house with her brother. I'll never see my daughter again!"

Thunder flashed across Serena's eyes as she replied, quietly but with such anger that Bernie almost recoiled, "You said you wanted to talk. I assumed you wanted to talk about me coming back, but instead you say that Elinor was never my daughter? You said that I am not her mother?! Just because I didn't physically carry her, doesn't mean she isn't my child. I mean, are Charlotte and Cameron not your children? You didn't carry them but they are yours. Bernie, I thought we were a family!" Serena's tone changed from one of anger into one of deep sadness, "You see, I did lose a daughter and I also lost my wife at the same time."

"I'm never going to see the only person I brought into this world again… you're going to see the children that you've given birth to for the rest of your life. And so am I! I'm going to see them and know that you successfully brought two beautiful children into the world while I fucked up the only thing women are supposed to be alive to do. I loved my daughter… I begged god for her to live. I begged, Serena! I begged God… and you know I don't believe in him, but I begged him. Huh! I guess this is karma for being a lesbian."

"Bernie, you're being irrational. This isn't karma… her umbilical cord had become wrapped around her neck. It's something that can happen to anyone. It's no reflection on your child-bearing abilities. You were handling everything so well, Darling. Your pregnancy went without issue, and your labour was relatively easy. You can't blame yourself… please don't blame yourself."

"I love you so much, Serena, but I can't help but blame myself. I wanted so much for my daughter to be a healthy baby. I wanted so much to see her running around on the lawn, chasing butterflies or something. I wanted to wave her off the primary school, high school and then university. I wanted to walk her down the aisle and hand her over to someone I knew she could trust. I wanted to see my grandchildren. But I can't because I fucked it all up. I birthed her wrong. She was in there too long."

"She was oxygen starved. You couldn't have changed that. What do you think you were going to do? Reach up inside yourself and unwrap the fucking cord? I didn't think so."

"My daughter is dead. And there's nothing I can do about it."

"Bernie, she was my daughter, too."

"No Serena. She wasn't."

Serena ran away at that point, hurt that her wife could even say that after what had been happening in their house. She needed to get away from her. She needed to concentrate on her children. One thing was for sure, she was resigning from her position at the hospital and concentrating on raising her children. If it was beside her wife, then fine but if not then it would be fine as well. Her first responsibility was to her children. If her wife was too blind to see that Serena was trying to help her through this, then she would just have to live without her. Serena decided rather quickly that after going to the hospital, she was going to see a lawyer.

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, so I am SO SORRY that I haven't written this earlier. I have been so busy and haven't had a minute to myself. I have planned this but I wasn't able to write it. However, I hope you all enjoy it.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **Love you all,**

 **ClosetMisfit xx**

 **P.S. I didn't even know how this was going to end. So the fact that it ended like this surprised me as well. I'll try and get the next chapter up soon.**


	9. She Will Come Back I Hope

It had been at least a month before Serena decided to let Bernie see the children. She just couldn't deal with seeing Bernie while her mind was so messed up. It seemed as though her visit to the lawyer was hasty. She knew she didn't want to leave Bernie, but she didn't want life to continue the way it was. Checking the time, Serena wandered over to the phone and dialled her home number. She knew that Bernie wasn't going to be there, so she figured it was the best time since she didn't have to speak to Bernie in person. Hearing the phone ring out, and then the happy voices of herself and her wife repeating the recorded message of the answering machine made Serena smile softly. They were so happy before. After hearing the beep that allowed her to leave a message, she began to speak, "Umm… Bernie, it's Serena Campbell-Wolfe, your wife. I don't know why I announced that but anyway. Ahh… I want to speak to you face-to-face. I also think that you deserve to see the children. I will bring them around to see you on Saturday. Please make sure the house is in a better condition than last time. I – I love you." She hung up, her hands shaking.

Resting her forehead in her hands, Serena let a solitary tear fall before proclaiming, "Pull yourself together, Campbell!" She made a sudden decision. Almost running into the conservatory, Serena found the papers she was given by the solicitors and ripped them in half, and then in quarters. She didn't need them. She was making a snap decision. She didn't want her marriage to end. She still loved her wife. More than words could say. She loved her so much and that's why this hurt so much. It hurt too much for her to actually put it into words. And that's why she left. She had to leave otherwise she would end up hurting Bernie and the children. Contemplating this, Serena sat on the sofa and began thinking about what she would say to Bernie.

* * *

Bernie arrived home from work, exhausted. She stepped over the pile of clothes that had gathered by the living room doorway, before heading towards the kitchen, where the phone was. As habit had it, she pressed the play button on her messages before even checking if there were any. She froze however, when she heard the velvet voice of her wife. She listened intently, hearing Serena say "Ahh… I want to speak to you face-to-face. I also think that you deserve to see the children. I will bring them round to see you on Saturday. Please make sure the house is in a better condition than last time." Bernie looked around panicking, but once again she froze when she heard the words that she most wanted and most dreaded to hear. "I – I love you," Serena had said.

Bernie whispered back, "I love you too, my darling."

Eyeing the stack of dishes in the sink and the overflowing rubbish bin, Bernie ran upstairs and pulled on some old clothes. It was time to do some well-needed cleaning. She cleaned and cleaned for hours. She did at least four loads of washing and scrubbed the dishes until they gleamed. She vacuumed the floor at least twice and polished the floorboards until she could pretty much see her face in them. She cleaned for so long that she missed dinner. She wasn't even hungry or tired, instead powered by her determination to make the house presentable to her wife. Bernie cleaned until 11pm where she flopped down on the couch, physically exhausted, but proud of her efforts. Every surface was clean and every item of clothing was clean. It was time for Bernie to hit the hay.

* * *

On Saturday morning, Serena sat Cameron and Charlotte down at breakfast. She began, "So you know how we haven't seen Mama in a while?"

"Yeah," Cameron and Charlotte chorused.

"Well, we're going to go and see her today. Is that okay with you?"

Well, the twins could barely contain their excitement. They jumped off their chairs and ran around the room as if they'd just been told they had won the lottery. It took them at least five minutes to calm down. In that time, Serena had begun to prepare their breakfast, watching them carefully, making sure they didn't hurt themselves.

"Mummy, are we really going to see Mama?" Cameron asked through a mouthful of cereal.

"Yes. I promise. We will go home after we're all ready, where Mama will be waiting," Serena replied, calmly although her heart was hammering in her chest with both nerves and excitement at the thought of seeing her wife.

Cameron and Charlotte wolfed down their breakfast and bounded up the stairs, calling their mother to help them both have a bath before they left. Serena finished up her own breakfast before climbing the stairs and running the bath. The twins asked if they could bathe together to make things go quicker, to which Serena readily agreed. If it would save time and water she was all for it. Although the bath was by no means an easy affair, it was a quick one, allowing both Cameron and Charlotte to get dressed rather quickly.

Serena set the children down to play quietly before she got herself showered. However, she took a little longer since she needed a moment to collect herself. She had shed more than a tear or two at the thought of seeing her wife. In fact, while showering, she had burst into tears which streamed down her face noiselessly, as she reminded herself of what had happened in the past 6 months. She certainly wanted to take her time with getting ready. She was dreading going home. However, stalling the inevitable was only going to work for so long. She knew she had to get ready, so in order to not prolong the agony, she dressed herself and made sure she looked presentable. After doing that, she quickly packed the twins' things in their bags and made sure she had gathered all their possessions before heading downstairs.

Cameron and Charlotte were almost screaming with excitement when they saw their mother coming down the stairs. They really wanted to see their Mama. They loved their Mummy, but they had already spent so many years without their Mama that any more would basically be hell for them. So, when they were buckled into their car seats, they were more than happy when their mother pulled away from the house. Their destination: home.

* * *

Bernie barely slept that night. She was nervous and excited all at the same time. She hoped that Cameron and Charlotte would still love her. She hoped that her own wife would. Staring at the ceiling, Bernie knew that she would not get back to sleep any time soon. Rolling over to check the time, Bernie groaned when she saw that her alarm clock read 4 o'clock in the morning. She wanted to see her wife and children so desperately. No… she needed to see them.

For the next hour, she thought about her wife and children, especially Elinor. Whenever she couldn't sleep, her mind would always drift to Elinor and of the life they all could have had together. When she finally had enough of not sleeping, Bernie got out of bed and started cleaning the house again. Even though it was already clean, Bernie needed something to do to keep her mind off of the approaching visit. She spent the next two hours cleaning, making sure that every single surface gleamed and there wasn't a speck of dust lying around anywhere. She fingered the chain around her neck absentmindedly. When her fingers reached the gold bands that she kept there since they were given back a month ago. She didn't want to lose them. They were so precious to her. Touching them one last time, Bernie reached around her neck to unclasp the chain. Removing the rings from the chain, she placed them on the dining table, almost certain that Serena would want them back.

After breakfast, Bernie had a very long shower. The jet of water seemed to wash away her problems for a while. Her hair still limp with water, Bernie went to the bedroom to find a suitable outfit that looked like everyday wear, but looked like she had made an effort. Once she had found it, she returned to the bathroom to dry her hair properly. Honestly, after about 10 minutes, she gave up completely. Her hair just wasn't drying properly.

After getting dressed, Bernie returned to the living room and simply sat. She didn't have anything else left to do. She had gotten herself and the house ready and had no idea when Serena, Cameron and Charlotte were supposed to arrive. Serena's message left no specific time, only that she would be around on Saturday. But, she was pulled from her thoughts by that ringing of the doorbell. Jumping to her feet, Bernie was sure it was Serena with Cameron and Charlotte.

Surely, when Bernie opened the door, she almost wasn't able to stand because the twins launched themselves at her. They clutched at her legs as though she was the only person in their short lives. Bernie reached down and hugged them as best she could. She gently unlatched them before crouching down and hugging them both tightly, picking them up and carrying them into the dining room.

Serena followed along, watching the scene unfold. She watched as Bernie gasped at Charlotte and Cameron's stories and marvelling at the pictures they had each drawn and decided to bring along today. She rested her head and shoulder against the doorframe, sighing at the sight before her. She had spent the last 6 months daydreaming about a view like this and to finally get it was definitely a dream come true. Smiling softly, she didn't interrupt just choosing to watch the pleasant exchange between her wife and children. However, her reverie was broken when Bernie sent Cameron and Charlotte into the yard to play.

Shaking herself away from her thoughts, Serena approached the kitchen busying herself with making some tea while Bernie stood at the back door, watching Cameron and Charlotte run around and play. After she finished, Serena moved to the dining table, noticing her rings perched atop the mahogany surface. After hearing the chair scraping on the floorboards, Bernie returned to the table and groaned slightly as she sat down. Before Serena could say anything, Bernie pushed the rings towards her. She picked them up, rotating them around her index finger. But, Bernie made sure to softly take them back and instead of letting Serena put them on herself, slid them onto Serena's ring finger, concreting their love forever, hopefully.

"Bernie – " Serena began, however she was cut off by a short, high-pitched scream and the scuffling of her son's hurried footsteps.

"Mummy! Mama! It's Lottie! She fell out of the tree when we were playing!" Cameron exclaimed, almost in hysterics.

"What?!" both women exclaimed. They rushed from the dining table to outside, where their daughter was lying motionless on the ground. She had never looked so tiny, so vulnerable, so helpless. Suddenly, all the medical knowledge that Serena and Bernie had in their minds suddenly disappeared. The only thing that Serena could do was gently stroke her daughter's forehead.

Bernie suddenly shouted, "Call 999!"

"What?" Serena replied, absentmindedly.

"Never mind. I'll do it." Bernie ran back inside the house and picked up the phone. She dialled as quickly as she could and bounced on the balls of her feet with bated breath as the phone continued to ring.

When someone finally picked up, Bernie almost screamed down the line, "I need an ambulance! My daughter fell out of a tree and she's not moving!"

The operator replied, "Okay, can I get your name."

"Major Berenice Wolfe and Serena Campbell-Wolfe."

"Okay. We know where you are. We'll send the paramedics over as soon as possible. It seems it will arrive in about 10 minutes."

"Thank you!"

Bernie slammed the phone down before running back out to her family, gasping when the situation truly set in. Her daughter had fallen out of a tree. She could lose another child. Whatever happened she could not lose another daughter. She just couldn't. And that was the plain and utter truth. She needed to be with her family. And she hoped that the paramedics would arrive soon. Anything could happen between now and then. She just hoped that her daughter would pull through. But, she knew this time, her wife was right beside her and she was right beside her wife.

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, I have to apologise for the last chapter. I didn't mean to put you guys through that. But, I hope that this chapter makes up for it. Berena don't break up and also the end is in sight. And I promise you, it will be a happy one.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **Love you guys,**

 **ClosetMisfit xx**

 **P.S. I know that the ending is also a bit depressing, but it will get more positive. I PROMISE**


	10. Waiting With Bated Breath

The ten minutes that it took for the paramedics to arrive were the longest 10 minutes of anyone's lives. It felt like they took forever. When they finally arrived, Serena was in quite the flap. She was so worried that she had gone pale as a ghost, while Bernie was trying to comfort everyone, even herself in order for them to remain calm. She hugged Cameron tight to her left side as she held Serena to her right. They simply stared at Charlotte, knowing that they couldn't move her lest they do anymore damage to her. Although Bernie longed to gather Charlotte up and protect her from any pain she was feeling at that moment, she knew that she couldn't.

Just before they all went mad with worry and wait, the paramedics arrived rushing through the house, attending to Charlotte quickly because it was Major Wolfe's daughter. As soon as they had done the necessary tests and observations, the paramedics loaded Charlotte into the back of the ambulance. "I'm sorry but there's only space for one of you," one of the paramedics said forlornly.

Bernie and Serena looked at each other for a moment, before coming to a unanimous decision. Serena jumped into the ambulance beside her daughter, grabbing her tiny hand and holding it close to her heart. Bernie watched as the doors closed, holding Cameron close to her as he sobbed.

Bending down, Bernie whispered, "Hey, she will be fine. She may be a little sick for a while but she will recover and you will be running around again in no time."  
Sniffling, Cameron replied, "But, it's my fault."

"I doubt that."

"I told Lottie to climb the tree and then she falled. And then she did not wake up." He burst into tears again.

Gathering Cameron back into her arms, Bernie picked him up and carried him to the car. After buckling him in, Bernie ran back into the house to get her licence and a few clothes for everyone before running back out and clambering into the driver's seat. Driving quickly but cautiously, Bernie drove to the hospital, unbuckled Cameron and carried him to the reception.

"I need to see my daughter. Her name is Charlotte Campbell-Wolfe. She would have arrived a short while ago, with her mother, Serena Campbell-Wolfe," Bernie rambled urgently.

"I can only tell you that she was put into room 142," the receptionist answered, almost bored.

"Thank you!"

Bernie ran off into the direction of the lifts. She read the sign and saw that room 142 was to the left and down the corridor. She hustled down there, taking care not to hurt Cameron who was clinging to her for dear life.

"139…140…141…142!" Bernie mumbled as she arrived. When she burst into the room, however the only thing she saw was Serena hunched over on the chair in an otherwise empty room. Setting Cameron down carefully, she stepped towards her wife. Crouching down, she asked quietly, "What's happened to Charlotte? Where is she?"

Without answering, Serena burst into tears. Inconsolable, she didn't respond to any of Bernie and Cameron's comforting words. Cameron crawled onto her lap and curled up, offering comfort to his mother, while Bernie enveloped both of them in her strong arms. They remained that way for a while, until Serena's tears ceased.

When Serena stopped crying, Bernie asked again, "What's happened to Charlotte? Where is she?"

"They took her for a CT scan and then straight to theatre. They suspected spinal damage and since she was bleeding from the head. They also wanted to rule out broken ribs, arms and legs," Serena replied in a monotone.

"What?! Have you heard anything at all since then?"

"No."

* * *

For the next four hours, Bernie, Serena and Cameron sat in room 142 with bated breath. Every time they heard the wheels of a hospital bed or the steps of a doctor or nurse, they stared at the door hopeful even as the sound of the steps receded. It seemed to no avail though until one time, it really was Charlotte. As they stared hopefully at the opening doors, they watched as Charlotte's heavily bandaged body was wheeled in. Every second was agony as their daughter was hooked up to various machines and monitors, each starting a rhythmic beeping as it was connected.

Through the beeping, the doctor began, "Charlotte suffered trauma to her head with two fractured ribs and a broken arm. Fortunately, her spine remains uninjured. We checked for everything and set the ribs in place as best we could. She should make a slow but steady recovery."

"Oh, thank God!" Serena exclaimed, collapsing into Bernie's arms.

"Thank you," Bernie mouthed to the doctor who responded with a gracious nod of the head. She returned to comforting her wife as she placed her in the chair beside Charlotte's bed moving herself and Cameron around to the other chair. They all grasped Charlotte's hands, Cameron's encased by her own mother's.

They remained like that for hours, hoping and praying that she would wake up soon. By this time, Cameron had gotten tired, choosing to climb onto the bed gingerly, curling up next to his sister as she recovered. Soon they were both fast asleep between their parents, who although were hoping that their daughter would wake, were just glad that they were together again.

Clasping hands over their sleeping children, Bernie smiled at Serena, the first true smile that had been shared in over 6 months. It gave Serena some hope for the future. Well, the future that came after this dastardly affair.

However, when their eyes met, they both looked away immediately. Diverting her eyes to her lap, Bernie saw the rings adorning her left hand and began considering what they meant to her. She had vowed 'for better or for worse'. During the better times, she'd been on tour mainly and during the worse times, although she was there, in spirit she was not. What did her vows mean to her? How gad she been able to break them so easily? She could only be grateful that she hadn't cheated on Serena. Why had Serena stayed with her? She had been horrible.

"Serena?" Bernie began quietly.

"Yes, Berenice," Serena replied, warily.

"Why didn't you divorce me?"

"Well, I love you too much. Even through everything, I knew I loved you. And although you treated me like absolute dirt, I forgave you because I knew you were just grieving. I knew you still loved me even through all that."

"Serena Campbell-Wolfe I don't just love you. I completely adore and want to make everything up to you. I will work until I'm wrinkly and we have great-grandchildren and even then I shall work some more to gain your forgiveness again."

Things fell silent again, as Bernie noticed that Serena's head had fallen back, eyes closed and mouth agape. Chuckling, Bernie rubbed her thumb over the silky skin as her wife slept. Soon, she too rested her head against the edge of the bed, falling into a light rest as the moon hung high in the ink-coloured sky.

* * *

The beeping of the machines hastened as Charlotte roused from her slumber. Fighting against the many wires protruding from her tiny, tired body, Charlotte woke her brother. Upon waking up, Cameron struggled to hold his sister still. As he was struggling, he accidentally kicked out, hitting his mother in the head which ultimately woke her up. Rubbing her face, Bernie thought 'Well that's going to leave a bruise'. Seeing that Charlotte was awake made Bernie spring into action. She immediately pressed the nurse's button, before attempting to soothe her restless daughter.

Bursting into the room, the nurse asked, "What's happened?"

"She's woken up!" Bernie exclaimed as her daughter hit her in the exact same place as her brother had…

* * *

 **A/N: Okay Guys, first of all, I need to apologise for how long it has been since I have last posted! So Sorry! It's just that school and life have been extremely busy.**

 **But, I hope you enjoy this and I will write the rest of it as soon as I can.**

 **Please review.**

 **Love you guys,**

 **ClosetMisfit xx**


	11. Pleasure Overrides Pain Anyday

The road to Charlotte's recovery was slow and winding. She improved little by little everyday. Her ribs began to reset themselves, the fracture in her arm slowly healed, and soon the doctors were considering removing the cast. Every day, Charlotte was getting stronger and this was enhanced by being surrounded by her entire family who were finally happy once more.

After being allowed to return home after a week of being in hospital, Charlotte spent most of her recovery time in familiar surroundings. She was often surrounded by her entire family all at once, bringing her meals and helping her whenever she needed. Soon, though, Charlotte was up and about, moving through the house gingerly. Every week, she would visit the hospital and after being poked and prodded, be sent to the crèche to wait for her mothers who would be spoken to by the doctor for a while longer. When they arrived to get her, they would not say a word about it to her instead asking after her wellbeing and discussing plans for later that day.

The cast on her arm annoyed her no end. She couldn't play with Cameron as she wanted to, instead she had to remain content with simply playing with her dolls on one side of the garden, watching wistfully as her brother ran around, pretending to be an airplane. She longed to join him, to run around with reckless abandon and just run and run until she could run no more. But, here she was sulking on the side of the garden covered in shade under the careful watch of her Mama.

Just as she was about to give up on playing and return to her room for a nap, Bernie strolled over, "Lottie, are you okay?"

"Yes, Mama," Charlotte lied obligingly.

"Are you sure? You look mad."

"I just wanna play with Cam. He gets to run. I wanna run!"

"Charlotte, honey, you're ill, you mustn't run around otherwise you might fall over and hurt your arm again. You don't want that to happen again, do you?"

"No, Mama. I'll wait til I'm all better and then run!"

"Good idea. Now, come on. You need to have a nap," turning away, Bernie continued. "CAMERON! It's time to go inside!"

"Okay Mama!" he replied, running towards the back door.

Bernie wordlessly lifted her daughter off the grass, carefully placing her on her hip before bending down and collecting her dolls before following Cameron to the house. As they were walking, Bernie began thinking about her family. She loved them all so much. And if anything else was to happen to any of them, she definitely wouldn't handle it. If anything happened to Serena, Charlotte or Cameron she would honestly just die. She had already lost Elinor and she couldn't lose anyone else. It just wasn't possible. She needed her family. She needed to be with her family.

As she tucked her daughter into bed, Bernie could hear her son settling into his bed beside them. Giving Charlotte a quick kiss on the forehead, Bernie moved to her son, tucking him in the same way and kissing him on the forehead too. Tiptoeing to the door, Bernie turned around with her hand on the light switch. Smiling softly, Bernie felt so grateful for the family that she had been gifted with. Switching off the light, Bernie made a decision. She needed to be with her family permanently.

Approaching the telephone, Bernie dialled the number of General Hargreaves in order to formally resign from military service in order to stay with her family in the way that she wanted.

"Hargreaves," a gruff voice rang from the end of the line after only a few rings.

"General, it's Berenice Wolfe," Bernie began.

"Ahhhh, Bernie, how have you been?"

"Better. I have my family back so everything is certainly looking up. But, Charlotte was seriously injured a few weeks ago and it made me realise something."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that!"

"Thank you. Look I'll cut to the chase. I need to resign from the service. I need to be with my family full time. I can't keep leaving them, not when everything is still so fragile."

"Well, I have to say I'm certainly surprised Wolfe. I never thought that I would hear those words come out of your mouth. But, I accept your resignation on one condition."

"Oh. And what's that?"

"I need you to do one more tour. It's three months to help train new recruits in army medicine."

"Okay. But this is the last one. And then that's it."

"Pleasure doing business with you. I will need you to come down and sign the paperwork though."

"That's okay. I'll see you in a day or two. Oh, and thanks, General."

"No worries, Major."

Hanging up the phone, Bernie sighed with relief. She had finished her first task. The second one required her to leave the house. Picking up the phone again, Bernie dialled her parents' house.  
"Hi Mum," Bernie called down the line. "Can I ask a favour?"

"Of course Berenice," Bernie's mother replied.

"Can you please come over and look after the twins?"

"Oh, really Berenice! You aren't going to out drinking again!?"

"No Mum! I need to go and see the CEO of Holby City Hospital about a job."

"Coming over will greatly inconvenience your father. He expects tea at 4 o'clock sharp these days."

"I know, Mum. But, I need to do this. For Serena."

"I thought she'd given you the boot? I finally found a man interested enough to meet you!"

"For God's sakes, Mum. I am a lesbian. Gay. Gone the Sapphic way! I love women. I love Serena. We sorted everything out. Now, are you coming over or do I have to call in a sitter for the afternoon?"

"Well, I suppose you'll just have to call a sitter. Your father's being very difficult today."

"Fine."

Bernie slammed the phone down on the receiver. Her mother was always able to make her mad. She still hadn't got it into her head tat Bernie didn't want a man. She was still deftly holding onto the idea that Bernie wasn't content with her life choices and still needed guidance from her mother. Still seething, Bernie hurriedly called a sitter and waited impatiently, rushing out the door almost as soon as she ushered the poor girl in and quickly explained the situation and expectations.

* * *

Arriving at Holby City Hospital, Bernie approached the sign next to the entrance. Scanning the board, she found "CEO" at the top of the list and the top level listed beside it. _"No surprises there,"_ she thought. Approaching the elevator, Bernie listened for any voice that resembled her wife's. Fortunately, she never heard it. Pressing the button, Bernie stood in the lift, waiting impatiently for it to begin its slow ascent seemingly towards her new life as doctor at Holby City Hospital.

The elevator dinged as it reached its final destination. Bernie strode out of the doors and, looking right then left, decided to search for the CEO's office in the right direction first. This was the correct decision. She arrived at the door and read the plaque, "Henrik Hanssen, CEO".

Knocking tentatively, Bernie awaited the resounding "come!" that Serena had so often spoken of. Upon hearing it, she quietly entered the room, awkwardly manoeuvring her way to the mahogany desk. Hanssen still hadn't looked up, focusing on the complex paperwork on his desk. Coughing quietly, Bernie stood in front of his desk like a schoolgirl awaiting her punishment, timid and silent.

It seemed like an eon had passed before Hanssen finally acknowledged Bernie's presence.

"May I help you?" Hanssen began, polite and confused underneath his stoic façade.

"I'm Major Berenice Wolfe. I was curious as to whether Holby City Hospital was in need of a trauma specialist, or even a general surgeon?" Bernie replied, anxiously.

"Ahhhh, Major Wolfe. It is a pleasure. Please take a seat," Hanssen waited for her to oblige before continuing. "As it happens, I was considering just the other week whether to open a trauma bay or not. And by you coming forward to ask, it has saved me the task of searching for suitable applicants. May I ask why you chose here?"

"That is a relief! To be honest, I wanted to be close to my family. And since my partner is a consultant here, I decided I wanted to work in the same hospital."

"So you want to work with Ric?"

"No. He's friends with my partner."

"Sacha?"

"No. I only know him by reputation and stories."

"I'm sorry, those are the only consultants I know of who have partners."

"Serena Campbell. She's my wife. Consultant on AAU – Acute Admissions Ward. We've been together for about 11 years now. And she's not mentioned me to you?"

"Well I knew she was married and she had children, but names were never mentioned. I assumed she was with a man. I apologise Major Wolfe."

"Water under a bridge and all that."

"It will take a while for the trauma bay to be approved and set up. Can you start in approximately 4 months?"

"That suits me fine. I have a final tour with the army that lasts three months, but I will certainly be back in four months' time… approximately."

"Well, I look forward to you starting. Of course there will have to be an interview and all the other formalities, but I don't see why you shouldn't get the placement."

"Thank you, Mr Hanssen. I will see you in four months."

On that final note, Bernie left the room. Everything was finally falling into place. Every piece of the puzzle was connecting. Her life was getting back on track. Now she just had to tell Serena. That was going to be the hard part. Bernie still felt as though she didn't have Serena's trust back. And this could really all backfire. For the first time, Bernie was scared over how Serena might react. However, Bernie was glad that she had finally found her place.

And walking into the brilliant sunshine, she took in all the experiences on her way home as if seeing everything in a new light. Everything was just as it should be.

* * *

 **A/N: Hi guys! I'm back. And hopefully you all enjoyed this chapter! I certainly enjoyed writing it. I am honestly so touched by all your feedback and I really appreciate it. So, please please please keep reviewing because it really helps me to know what you all like and dislike. And can i just say that all of your reviews are so amazing! I just want to let you all know that it makes me (as a person) feel not so alone as I have done for pretty much always.**

 **Anyway,** **I love all of you**

 **ClosetMisfit xx**


	12. A New Beginning?

"Bernie! I'm home!" her aching feet drew her away from the entrance into the cosy dwelling that she called home. Stepping out of her shoes, Serena listened for the laughter of her wife and children. Ever since Charlotte's accident, her family had become closer. They connected in a way that they had never connected before. Every day Serena longed to be back in the welcoming walls of her home, the loving hearts of her family and the strong arms of her wife. But, there was always the risk that those strong arms would be taken away from her by the rush of war or the need for trauma surgeons. And Serena hated that. She hated when Bernie had to leave for her job. Every time Bernie leaving pulled away pieces of her heart. She thought back to Bernie's first tour…

* * *

"Serena, I have to go. There's nothing I can do about it. I need to be a part of this. Please understand," Bernie pleaded with the teary-eyed woman across from her.

"Please don't go. I need you to stay. I want you to stay. How am I supposed to unwind after a long day without you? How is my heart supposed to keep beating without you? How will I breathe everyday, knowing that you could be dead for all I knew? And I would never know. Because according to the army, I'm not family!" Serena was almost in hysterics.

"Look, I know you don't want to lose me so I will meet you halfway."

"Oh?"

"I will promise – no! I will solemnly swear – that I will come back to my best friend after the tour, safe and sound and in one piece. I promise I will not needlessly put my life in danger even if it is ordered of me to do so. I promise that every week I will try to send you a letter if I can. If not, I'll send as many as I've missed the next time I'm available. Do we have a deal?"

"Yes. Bernie, I have a confession. The reason I'm so worried is not just because you're my best friend. It's because I see you more of a – "

"Sister, I know. And it hurts because you know I want you so much – mmph"

The very words that Bernie had tried to say had been cut off abruptly by Serena launching herself at her, catching her lips in a bruising kiss. Many thoughts ran through Bernie's mind at this point in time. The most prominent thought was _"How have we been together so many times but I've never realised that she wanted me, too?"_. However, that very thought left her mind as Serena's tongue brushed against her lips. She let Serena deepen the kiss, succumbing to the pleasure that she had for so long sought after in this brunette goddess.

Needing air, Bernie reluctantly pulled away from the embrace. She suddenly remembered that they were in a public area where what they were just doing was considered immoral. Laughing, Bernie found she didn't care. She pulled Serena closer to her, in a one-armed embrace, Serena's head resting on her shoulder. They remained that way in coupled silence before it was broken by words that Bernie had both yearned and avoided. The words which had been on the tip of Bernie's tongue for months… well if Bernie was honest ever since that first drink almost year ago. They had been bubbling away at the surface, threatening to spill over at any moment. Nevertheless, she had supressed them time after time and it certainly seemed that Serena was going to be the one to pop the oblivious little bubble Bernie pretended she lived in.

"I love you, Bernie. Please don't go," Serena pleaded.

"Serena, I love you too. More than you can imagine. Or maybe you can imagine. I don't know but what I do know is that I am in love with you and would do almost anything for you," Bernie drabbled, but stopped abruptly.

"Except stay?"

"Except stay."

"I can handle that. Just barely. But please be careful! I need you to come back safely!"

"I will stick by the promise I made before. I will come back to you and then we can start our life together, okay?"

"Okay." Serena rested her head on Bernie's shoulder, glad for the slight privacy the tall trees brought to the area where they were sitting.

* * *

Pulling herself out of her reverie, Serena meandered into the living room where the once-hidden moulds of Elinor's hands and feet sat among the many adornments upon the mantelpiece. Stroking a finger along the instep of Elinor's left foot, Serena smiled, glad that Bernie had decided to display the last remaining memories of their daughter rather than hide them as had been the case a few months previously. Aside that sat a framed photograph of Elinor along with a photo of Charlotte and Cameron smiling cheekily at the camera. But Serena's favourite picture of all had to be the one of their wedding day. There she stood, in an ivory gown and Bernie in her military uniform, beaming down the camera lens. Serena laughed quietly at the memory of that auspicious occasion, or rather the lack of memory of it at all.

Continuing through the house, Serena listened for any sign of her children or wife, but to no avail! She could hear nothing that resembled them. "Hello?" she shouted up the stairs only to receive silence in response. Instead, she checked her watch, groaning when it read 5pm. That meant she would have to prepare dinner for her family on top of having a long and stressful day at work. Grumbling all the way to the kitchen, Serena walked straight into it, not even considering the unnerving silence any longer. She nearly jumped out of her skin, however, when she heard a loud, "SURPRISE!" ring out from behind her.

Serena had completely forgotten. Today was her birthday. Among the stress she faced at work and the miracle of having her family back, it's no wonder that she forgot the day. Turning around, mouth agape in silent shock, Serena stared at the faces of her parents, colleagues, friends, and her beautiful wife and children. She stared at them for what seemed like an age, trying to form some semblance of a sentence. Abruptly, she burst into tears, leaving an awkward silence amongst the partygoers. She was enveloped by the strong arms of her Big Macho Army Medic as she began laughing, "I'm not sad! These are tears of joy!"

The party lasted several hours, where much alcohol was imbibed and many conversations were had. The children were sent to bed at about 8pm though, so the adults could have some fun without having to worry about the children too much. Slowly, though, guests began to leave one by one as the night drew to a close. Serena was almost relieved when they waved the last guest out the door. She was exhausted. After a long day at work, she had come home to the fantastic surprise party which she thoroughly enjoyed (although Bernie would tease later that it was because of all the presents) and all she wanted to do was sit on the back porch and watch the stars as had become her habit over the past Autumn month.

* * *

It wasn't long before Serena heard the unmistakeable footsteps of her wife. Glancing back towards the house, Serena noticed that Bernie had brought tea to her. She watched as her wife eased her way into the deck chair beside her, taking the offered mug and warming her hands. A comfortable silence fell over them as they watched the night sky, slipping into a reverie that was equally joyous and calming. Serena was almost annoyed when Bernie shattered that silence, "I still haven't given you my present."

"Bernie, I appreciate it, but I am much too tired for that!" Serena replied, guessing what the present was.

"Look as much as I would love to do that, it's not my present to you."

Interested, Serena turned to Bernie, "Go on."

"Well there's good news and less good news. Which would you like first?"

"The less good news first, of course."

"Okay, so I have to go on another tour for the army. It's only three months but I'll be back before you know it."

"Oh, Bernie do you have to go?"

"Yes. It was part of my resignation agreement."

"Your what?"

"My resignation agreement. I'm leaving the army, Serena. I'm leaving to be with you, Cameron and Lottie. I love you all too much to hurt you by going away again and again."

"Bernie, that is the best gift I have ever received!"

"But wait, there is more. I went to see Mr Hanssen today. And apparently he was going to open a new trauma unit. Coincidentally, he was going to ask me, but I offered and voila! I have a job for when I return. Serena, everything is falling into place now. Everything."

"Bernie, please tell me you're not joking!"

"I promise I'm not! And you know that I keep my promises."

"I can't believe it! So let me get this straight… you're going on a three-month tour, then leaving the army and starting as the trauma consultant at the same hospital I work at?"

"All present and correct, ma'am!"

"Oh, this has been the best birthday ever!"

"Now, shall we go to bed, Mrs Wolfe?"  
"It's Campbell-Wolfe. But yes. Yes, we should."

And standing up, Bernie and Serena walked towards the house, holding each other close and whispering sweet-nothings in each other's ears. This was the beginning of a whole new chapter in their lives… one which they would explore together.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey, I'm back with more Berena! So, I have a question for you guys… do you want me to do an epilogue? I've planned it, but I'm not sure whether to include it. It does include more characters, flashbacks and fluffy Berena moments, but if you don't want one then I won't add it. If you do, then I will.**

 **Please leave a review on the above question, and I'll see you next time.**

 **Love you all,**

 **ClosetMisfit xx**


	13. Epilogue - So Long My Friends

**5 Years Later**

"Come on, kids! Hurry up with your breakfast!" Bernie shouted through the house as the clock ticked towards 8.00am. Waiting at the front door, Bernie was eager to leave otherwise they'd be late. It was the first day of term and Bernie really didn't want the children to be late on their first day. As the clock ticked each second, Bernie reflected upon the events which brought them to this day. Through the ups and downs of life after Charlotte's accident, Bernie and Serena had made it through them together, emerging stronger each time.

The more significant of the many highlights of their life together was when Bernie found out she was pregnant with their fourth child, Jason. He had arrived 4 years previously and completed their little family unit. After the catastrophe that was Elinor, Bernie had been hesitant to have another child, but with reassurance from Serena and doctors, she had had a relatively easy pregnancy and a much less traumatic labour experience. And arising from that labour was the beautiful little bundle that was Jason, who now 4 years old was off to Pre-Primary while the twins went to Primary for their third year. Bernie tutted as she waited for her children to hurry their way out of the house.

Traipsing to the front door, each child stepped into their shoes, slipped their bags on their backs and grasped their coats, yawning as they did so. Bernie watched her children trot to the car and gasped as she felt a cold hand on her back. She relaxed when she realised it was Serena, her darling Serena, without whom she would be irreparably broken. Without her darling, beautiful Serena, she would not have the sanity she had gained after the death of her baby. Without her divine Serena, she would not have any idea who she was apart from just another army medic in need of a stable home. Without her Serena, she probably would have no children, no family and live an utterly isolated existence void of happiness. But, in the one touch of her hand, Bernie was reminded once again that she had this utter perfection in her life, this Aphrodite, this complete beauty.

Grasping her wife's hand, Bernie spun her wife around and clasping her waist, pulled her in to a deep kiss. Bernie's heart raced as she felt Serena' body press up against hers, every fibre of her being demanding more. She felt Serena's hand snake its way up her body and caress her face. Bernie's skin burned where she felt Serena's eternity ring. Smiling into the kiss, Bernie remembered the day when they renewed their vows…

* * *

Watching Serena walk down the aisle for the second time stole Bernie's breath away. The first time they were married, Bernie was overwhelmed by Serena's beauty, but this time, she had a goddess, a literal goddess striding confidently before her. Without a disapproving father on her arm and a disapproving mother in the pews, Serena glowed! Over the years her parents had come to accept her decision to be with Bernie. Bernie however did not have that advantage. Her parents had been at neither wedding but she found she did not care… she had her beautiful Serena and their friends and family so she could not ask for more. Bernie could not wipe the smile off her face nor the tears out of her eyes as she watched her wife stride confidently down towards her. She was without doubt that Serena was the only person she could ever love.

When Serena came to stand beside her, Bernie kissed her cheek and whispered, "You look so beautiful. I love you so much." Waiting for the celebrant to start the service was the longest few seconds of Bernie's life; she could scarcely wait to start the next chapter and spend the rest of her life with her beloved. Finally, it was time for the vows and Bernie nearly burst into tears as she read hers, "Serena, when I first saw you, I knew that I loved you. From that moment, I knew I would do everything I could to have you in my life. From that single solitary moment I knew that I would be a slave to my love for you. You take my breath away, Serena. Every day, I fall deeper and deeper in love with you. You are the love of my life and I cannot thank life enough that I stumbled into that lecture room late that day because had I not, I wouldn't have you, the best thing in my life and our children. I love you so much and I cannot wait to begin this new chapter."

Bernie finished her speech and not once did her gaze falter from Serena's eyes. Enamoured by the brown beauties, Bernie did not hear any of what Serena had written in her vows and was determined to ask her later. Finally sliding the ring onto Serena's finger felt like this was really where Bernie was meant to be. The ring, this eternal circle marked the beginning of the rest of Bernie's life and she could not be more blissful…

* * *

Her kiss with Serena pulled Bernie from her memories as she suddenly remembered they were running late after all. Hurtling towards the car, both women quickly secured their children in, taking special care with Jason before strapping themselves both in and moving off. The drive was relatively quiet, the need for words absent as all the children were tired and Bernie and Serena were comfortable enough to communicate without words. The relatively short drive to Cameron and Charlotte's school was the most peaceful in weeks. Stopping outside the school, Bernie made to get out of the car and take the twins out as was habit, but Serena stopped her and instead took the liberty. She unbuckled them both and helped them out but before sending them into school, she straightened their coats and said to them, "Mama and I both love you so much. We are so proud of you," before hugging them tightly and watching them run through the gates.

Upon returning to the car, Serena heard Bernie having a silly conversation with Jason who was happily responding with complete nonsense. She giggled to herself before joining in the jabber as they drove Jason the few blocks it was to pre-primary. Upon arriving at the centre, both women got out and helped Jason out as well. They walked him to the door and signed him in before watching him run to play with his friends. Bernie feels a wetness on her shoulder and looks down to see Serena crying.

"Hey, love, what're the tears for?" Bernie asks, lovingly.

"They're all growing up!" Serena responds through her tears.

"I know, darling:

"Hey, Bernie?"

"Hmmm?"

"I want another one"

Bernie guffaws, "I love you Serena. So much. Never forget that."

"I love you too, Bernie. For eternity… now about that new baby…"

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Hey guys, I'm so sorry it's been so long! I did not intend to leave this story for months and months! It's just been so hectic. But, here is the last instalment of A Tale of Another Time. It's been a long journey, and I'd just like to say a big farewell to Berena on our screens… Leave a comment if you want to see Bernie (or Leah) back or if you think Serena deserves someone new.**

 **So long for now my friends,**

 **For the last time;**

 **Please leave a review, and I'll see you in another story.**

 **Love you all,**

 **ClosetMisfit xx**


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